Moveitfred had the Suck Knob turned up to eleven, yet was unexpectedly pleased with his performance. Very well-run event, very fast course, some nasty off-camber bits (especially dodgey during the rain), great venue (and Moveitfred bases this last observation on the fact that the growlers were awesome--many, many toilet options and you could freakin' eat off the floor).
But Moveitfred isn't particularly interested in rehashing some standard race report to bore the masses. There's plenty of other blogs you can visit for that. Or, as Solo recommends, simply go to cyclingnews.com, read a few random articles, and pawn yourself off as an expert on your own blog.
Instead Moveitfred is going to talk about McDonald's.
Not just any McDonald's, but perhaps the most awe-inspiring McDonald's he has ever seen. This McDonald's, my friends, is located off Route 15 in Sussex Co. New Joisey, and it will blow your freakin' minds.
Moveitfred stopped at the Golden Arches on the way home from the race to get a cup of the new and improved McD's joe in order to medicate before the hellish drive back through the NY metro area. He was immediately taken aback by the deep wood grains in the dining area and the--ready for this--immense stone fireplace that graced the wall. Atmosphere alone was a 10.
But there's more.
No, it was standard McD's menu, but what the hell's wrong with that? The Big Mac--a classic. Quarter Pounder w/cheese--meaty, satisfying. Fries--peerless. Sodas--always fresh and bubbly.
What was extraordinary was the men's bathroom. They had installed the FALCON WATERFREE URINAL! Moveitfred has, like you, heard about this technology for years but had never seen it in person. The device was amazing. Allow Moveitfred to explain:
Moveitfred saddled up to the urinal as he has done in the past but right away noticed the suspicious lack of a flushing handle. Moveitfred's curiosity was pinched, and he began looking up, down, around for a way to responsibly get rid of his yellow offal. Nothing. Then he saw the sign posted on the wall for the "Waterless" feature of this device. But Moveitfred couldn't believe this was true. So he pissed mightily, determined to put this technology to the test.
When finished Moveitfred looked down. There sat his piss. In the bottom of the bowl. Just sitting there.
And just like that, it was gone.
Poof!
Gone to who the hell knows where.
Moveitfred is telling you: right here, right now, this is the time to be alive.
Oh, and let Moveitfred now leave you with this short cinematic gem:
5 comments:
A) Stay away from Mc Ds or you'll grow yourself another set of those nice baloney tits you used to have.
B) Where the fuck you from, Des Moines? That wasn't traffic. Traffic on the GWB is where you can put the MF in park and close your eyes. Try coming home from a Jet game over that motherfucker (not only are you just starting to feel your hangover, but you're sitting in bumper to bumper AND you're wondering why the fuck you just spent the whole day watching the suck-ass JETS).
c) Al will not rub you down with his massager. Get your own, MOFO. Al may give you one across the head with it though.
D) Dumbass: we don't need a race report...but we do want to know how the Zank performed. First race with custom bike..how'd it go? Did you race the 86 mm tubulars? How'd they perform? Come on... a little beta required ya dick.
what a difference a few states makes. . .
i intend on bloggin about our stop at a TacoBell in NH.
WV has a bad rap compared to this town. . .
Mike nose bikes, yes! It was superb. Grifo rocks. Moveitfred will be worthy one day.
Meg, Wood is paying for dinner Saturday night, FYI. He thinks we're going to Taco Bell. Isn't that funny?
I've known you for 7 years and I've never heard your voice! I thought you were a mute...you probably thought the same of me. Mrs. J
Silence is golden, iirc.
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