Friday, March 14, 2008


Wood is down.

The poor fuck, Heywood, found out he's got a torn meniscus. After having 3 knee surgeries myself, I can sucks. (In my experience, a tear in the meniscus=certain surgery or no more athletics.) I'm sure many of you out there can offer your thoughts to Heywood on this. Knees ain't built to last, it seems. So here's my list of thoughts. You add yours in comments:
1. Get well soon. Don't'll come back. I've done many tris and marathons since my last surgery. You will too.
2. Find the best knee guy you can. Don't just go with an orthopedic surgeon...find one who specializes in knees. I was young and dumb with my first knee injury. The local guy "did me." I wound up needing that redone 3 years later. The other knee came later: a friend got me in to see the guy who scopes the NY Jets, for that knee. He was awesome. Really knew his stuff. And he was much more aggresive / intelligent with rehab than the other two times.
3. Start PT ASAP after surgery. Because you're an athlete, you're apt to think you can do your own rehab/PT. Resist this urge. Get going on PT ASAP.

Here are some funny things I found...
Running on road doesn't really hurt my knees. Any sort of cutting motions and trail running kill me. 10 miles on the problem. So I still run, but I don't play Bball, football, racqetball, or trail run, really, anymore. Funny thing is you'd think trail running would be easier than road because of the soft turf. Not in my experience. My last surgery was 10 years ago...I seem to be doing ok so I just accept that some things are not "for me" anymore.

Some other things I do that help me...
Warm up well all the time. Easy spin, easy run, easy swim FIRST. No matter what I'm doing, I get blood going and build. I never go right at it.

Here's one that helped me a lot with running: shoe rotation. Shoes need gas recharge time. If you run in the same shoes each day, the cushioning is seriously compromised. I buy 3 pair at a time and rotate. They last just as long if not longer and provide better cushioning the whole time.

Smart weight training (well after you're fully rehabbed!) to maintain musculature around the knees. I never do heavy leg weight training nor radical motions anymore. (In college we did heavy squats, leaps, 1000 lb leg sleds etc...DUMB.) Now I do no-weight SLOW & BURN squats with a fixed range of motion--I never let my quad go below parallel to the floor and I take a 10 second pause/hold/fucking burn at the sit portion of the squat then come up SLOW. I also do low weight extensions in a similar manner--slow and burn and hold. Again, I wouldn't even think about this shit until well after you're fully rehabbed.

My father-in-law swears by shark cartilage and glucosamine/condroitin (or whatever the fuck it is) for his knee injury. I think this is bullshit and will wind up fucking up your liver/kidneys in the long run. Others can weigh in on this one.

Hang in there, brother.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Both Al and Fred have been subjected to American Idol by wives/kids this season. It's certainly had a negative effect on us. I've followed my natural bent and spun off even further into sickness and depravity. (I've been thinking that little miss Kristy Lee ain't as wholesome as she lets on. I'm waiting for the underground porn tape to surface. I'm picturing a vid phone mpeg, all jumpy and grainy and shot from dick level. Kristy Lee is all teary eyed and make-up smeared at the center of some truck stop bukkake circle.) Fred, too, has followed his natural bent. He's fantasizing about long walks and deep talks with Brooke White. He wants 7 grain veggie sandwich picnics and zinfandel beside a stream. He's all misty eyed, snapping his fingers and singing along with her.

So, in that spirit, I thought I'd offer this to Freddy: (And Fred...think of what she could do with your hair.)

Here's one other point I'd like to have considered--only tangentially related. What do you think of a broad who writes a song FULL of specific details about your life

Well I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your horse naturally won
Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun

and then kicks you in the ass for vanity because you knew the song was about you? I mean what the fuck?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Just Confirms What We Already Knew...

Mary Ann's a super freak, super freak, she's super freaky--YEAH!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Farrar Taps Pavement

Farrar gambles and loses on the tight line in the Paris-Nice prologue. FFFFFFFF....uck!

Warm up, Stretch, Race

Today, the mountain bike season officially started for us out here on the west coast (for me at least). First off, I would like to throw huge props out to Lisa (owner of Auburn Bike Works) and Sean Allen (local MTB rider) for making the 16th Annual Cool Mountain Bike Race a spectacular event once again. Year after year, these two, along with the help of many volunteers, do a magnificent job. This year three bikes were raffled off along with thousands of other bike stuff. The organization, location, and great prizes will usually draw huge crowds that include some top pros.

The weather couldn’t have been more perfect along with the trail conditions. Cool typically floods when anyone within a mile takes a leak in the bushes causing a muddy mess for all participants and spectators. Not the case this year due to the sunny skies that have blessed us the last two weeks. Riders had to navigate just a handful of water crossings and a few muddy sections. Fast is the way to describe this year’s course.

My goals for this race was to treat it like a hard training ride, whatever place that puts me in I would be happy with. From the start, I pushed hard to get myself away from the bumping and grinding that seems to happen until the riders get separated. Soon, I found myself all alone and not really knowing who was in front of me or who was behind me due to the large number of riders at the start. Shortly, I was picking off riders from the previous wave start with ease. At this point I was feeling really good. It wasn’t until after the first lap that I realized I might be near the front of my class. So I kinda threw the whole training ride to the curb and started pushing myself to the point of nausea. When the race was all said and done, I got a podium finish even after bumping up a class this year. Twenty minutes off last year’s race. Finally starting to see a marked improvement come from all the training put in this winter.

One very cool part of the race is the tiny bike class. This class is filled with local freeride/dirt jumping/down-hilling/urban/non-racing riders who would rather goof off than put on Lycra and race. The rules, bikes must have 16 inch wheels and cost no more than $40. They ride ½ lap and try to consume as much alcohol as possible in that short time frame. I hope to participate in this class soon if I could just convince my breathtaking wife to drive me home.

The Chef and Big Cat were unable to race this year due to some nagging injuries and a few nasty crashes. I hope to see them out on the trails soon.

Sunday, March 9, 2008


Al endures...

This AM brooks and I went down to the State Park for the LIRRC 10 miler. It was COLD!!! and WINDY!!! this early am. Temps were hovering at 30. Winds were gusty as hell. Wind chill had it near 5 degrees. Fahk!

I had wanted to run 7:30s. I ran 7:50s instead. I had some weirdness happen to me, and it freaked me out more than just a little. I was having these weird asthmatic-like wheeze attacks during the very open/windy sections of the run. The cold wind would tear into me, and I just could not breathe. I wheezed my way through those sections, feeling like I was drawing air through a straw. It sucked. My chest felt like it was spasming until a good hour or two post-race.

After I got home, I was ok. I got down to Tyvek-ing the exterior where the new doors and windows went in. Then I cam in and insulated the new walls. Much fun. we're coming along. And now, a little something for Fred (who is still contemplating activity). Oh and thanks to GVB for turning me on to this...


Al and Fred are pleased to announce:


WHEN: SATURDAY, MAY 10, 9 a.m.


WHAT: 2 mile run / 12.5 mile bike / 2 mile run.




Your pals Al and Fred are bringing to you a new concept in USA duathlon events. There is no entry fee, no waivers to sign, this is not for a cause, there will be no race numbers, course marshals or official timing. This is simply a bunch of people getting together and putting the hurt down on a Saturday morning. There will be a languid sense of organization to the whole affair. The truth is, it's not that difficult. You run, you ride your bike, you run again. If you know how to change your shoes you can probably wrap your brain around the complexity of this event.

The winner will get to pile into his/her car before everyone else and go home. 2nd place will get to do this next, 3rd after those two. Or stay at the beach, eat sandwiches, and drink. Al and Fred really don't care what you do. Just don't complain about the lack of organization, the fact that the bathrooms are locked, or "the pissy attitude" of "those two assholes" who put this whole thing together.

Some details (what little we know or care about at this point):

  • Both runs will be from the West Meadow Beach parking lot out to the end of Trustee's Road and back to the lot. That's about two miles for each run. You run AROUND the outside of the circle at the end of the road--these aren't suicides where you touch the end of the road with your foot and turn around.

  • When you get back to the lot from your first run you need to do whatever it is you need to do to be happy and comfortable on your bicycle (hardcore dualie-men call this the "transition zone"). You can do this in your car, under a towel, or out in the open. Al and Fred don't really care what you do.

  • The bike portion is basically this (for those of you who know the area): from the West Meadow lot go out to the tennis courts and turn left, up and over Mount Grey Road and turn left at Old Field Road, bust your ass out to the end (lighthouse), return on Old Field Road all the way to the post office, turn right past the Neighborhood House and turn right on Christian Ave, ride over the rolling hills down into Stony Brook Village, turn around down at the Stony Brook Yacht Club, come back up out of the village on Hollow Road, turn left on Cedar, right on Woodbine, and right on Christian, then turn left on Quaker to Mount Grey and get your slow ass back to the beach. Here's a link to the route:

  • Change back into your running attire and get yourself out to the end of Trustee's Road and back again. Touch the chainlink fence at the parking lot. You're done.

  • Invitation: If Al or Fred contact you and say you can do it, you're invited. If you contact Al or Fred and either one gets back to you and says you can do it, you're invited. If Al and Fred ignore you, you do not fit in and you are not invited. Sorry, but this is like high school parties--there are the cool people who get invited, and then there is everybody else.

  • Liability: if you get yourself killed by some Three Village parent screaming down the road because his/her kids are late for soccer practice, don't come crying to Al or Fred. We don't care and don't want to hear your whining. THIS COURSE IS NOT CLOSED TO TRAFFIC. THERE ARE NO CROSSING GUARDS. WATCH YOUR TURNS. WEAR YOUR HELMET.

  • Cheaters: do us a favor and watch some Animal Planet this weekend. See how the pack treats those who don't fit in? Lots of nipping and bloody fur, right? That's what you can expect.

  • Despite what you've read so far, we're hoping lots of people come out and have a good time. Bring the kids. We're thinking/hoping there will be enough non-competitor members of the families around so that the kids can hang out at the beach with supervision and then we all come together when the pain is over for more eats and beach fun.

Bottom line is this, isn't it about time you got off your ass and got in shape? Summer's almost here. Do you want to look like this?

or this?

You decide. (And look, nobody said this thing was going to be P.C. or non-threatening or a bundle of loving goodness).

If you have a stupid question you can email Fred at: moveitfred at yahoo dot com. He might get back to you. (And, yes, Al and Fred are not our real names. See, truthfully this event "isn't happening." Know what we mean? Keep it secret, on the down-low, dig? If it's that important to you that you know who we really are you probably don't want to do this. Trust us).