IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Al and Fred are pleased to announce:


AL AND FRED'S 1ST ANNUAL NORTH SHORE UNDERGROUND DUATHLON!



WHEN: SATURDAY, MAY 10, 9 a.m.


WHERE: WEST MEADOW BEACH PARKING LOT, SETAUKET, NEW YORK



WHAT: 2 mile run / 12.5 mile bike / 2 mile run.





WHY: TO GET YOUR FAT ASS IN SHAPE BEFORE SUMMER.






WHO: BY INVITATION ONLY. ALL OTHERS WILL BE TAUNTED AND SHUNNED.


ENTRY FEE: ZERO.





Your pals Al and Fred are bringing to you a new concept in USA duathlon events. There is no entry fee, no waivers to sign, this is not for a cause, there will be no race numbers, course marshals or official timing. This is simply a bunch of people getting together and putting the hurt down on a Saturday morning. There will be a languid sense of organization to the whole affair. The truth is, it's not that difficult. You run, you ride your bike, you run again. If you know how to change your shoes you can probably wrap your brain around the complexity of this event.


The winner will get to pile into his/her car before everyone else and go home. 2nd place will get to do this next, 3rd after those two. Or stay at the beach, eat sandwiches, and drink. Al and Fred really don't care what you do. Just don't complain about the lack of organization, the fact that the bathrooms are locked, or "the pissy attitude" of "those two assholes" who put this whole thing together.


Some details (what little we know or care about at this point):

• Both runs will be from the West Meadow Beach parking lot out to the end of Trustee's Road and back to the lot. That's about two miles for each run. You run AROUND the outside of the circle at the end of the road--these aren't suicides where you touch the end of the road with your foot and turn around.





• When you get back to the lot from your first run you need to do whatever it is you need to do to be happy and comfortable on your bicycle (hardcore dualie-men call this the "transition zone"). You can do this in your car, under a towel, or out in the open. Al and Fred don't really care what you do.




• The bike portion is basically this (for those of you who know the area): from the West Meadow lot go out to the tennis courts and turn left, up and over Mount Grey Road and turn left at Old Field Road, bust your ass out to the end (lighthouse), return on Old Field Road all the way to the post office, turn right past the Neighborhood House and turn right on Christian Ave, ride over the rolling hills down into Stony Brook Village, turn around down at the Stony Brook Yacht Club, come back up out of the village on Hollow Road, turn left on Cedar, right on Woodbine, and right on Christian, then turn left on Quaker to Mount Grey and get your slow ass back to the beach. Here's a link to the route: http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=1681148





• Change back into your running attire and get yourself out to the end of Trustee's Road and back again. Touch the chainlink fence at the parking lot. You're done.

• Invitation: If Al or Fred contact you and say you can do it, you're invited. If you contact Al or Fred and either one gets back to you and says you can do it, you're invited. If Al and Fred ignore you, you do not fit in and you are not invited. Sorry, but this is like high school parties--there are the cool people who get invited, and then there is everybody else.





• Liability: if you get yourself killed by some Three Village parent screaming down the road because his/her kids are late for soccer practice, don't come crying to Al or Fred. We don't care and don't want to hear your whining. THIS COURSE IS NOT CLOSED TO TRAFFIC. THERE ARE NO CROSSING GUARDS. WATCH YOUR TURNS. WEAR YOUR HELMET.





• Cheaters: do us a favor and watch some Animal Planet this weekend. See how the pack treats those who don't fit in? Lots of nipping and bloody fur, right? That's what you can expect.

• Despite what you've read so far, we're hoping lots of people come out and have a good time. Bring the kids. We're thinking/hoping there will be enough non-competitor members of the families around so that the kids can hang out at the beach with supervision and then we all come together when the pain is over for more eats and beach fun.
  
  
  

Bottom line is this, isn't it about time you got off your ass and got in shape? Summer's almost here. Do you want to look like this?

or this?


You decide. (And look, nobody said this thing was going to be P.C. or non-threatening or a bundle of loving goodness).

If you have a stupid question you can email Fred at: moveitfred at yahoo dot com. He might get back to you. (And, yes, Al and Fred are not our real names. See, truthfully this event "isn't happening." Know what we mean? Keep it secret, on the down-low, dig? If it's that important to you that you know who we really are you probably don't want to do this. Trust us).