Friday, April 11, 2008

A Story About Al and Fred

A few weeks ago at the factory Boss-man came out from his windowless office (pulling up his drawers while the new hire from the cafeteria beat a hasty retreat back to her station at the soup counter), hit the stop button on the line, and barked out an announcement:

"Attention, Pieces of Shit. Corporate threw a few bucks our way for you scum to do what we like to call 'retraining.' This means you fuck-nuts can take a little R&R at a hot spot like Camden or Bridgeport, pick up some tips on streamlining the assembly line from another factory, try not to get yourselves arrested, and then get your asses back to work here."

Boss-man is such an asshole. Al once lost his cool and called him a "fat fuck" right to his face. Nearly got himself canned.

Later that day at lunch, Al and Fred broke open the Black Domes and hatched a joke. They'd apply for Boss-man's "retraining" offer, but construct an argument for something completely absurd and irrelevant--some sort of "program" that would would have nothing to do with the assembly line and amount to a paid vacation of greed and debauchery for our heroes. Stick it to the man, so to speak.

Al and Fred would apply to...ready for this?...become students at UCLA out in the warm Cali sunshine for a year. Freakin' nuts, right? Who is their right mind would....

You ready for the punchline?

Boss-man bought it. Every bit of it. Hook, line, and wiggly slab of bait.

Here is Boss-man:

And here's where you'll find Al and Fred next year:

Al and Fred have already signed up for this. Oh Sweet Mary, the boys have really pulled off a coup this time!