Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Pigs around Heywood's House

It has been a while since I have been on the road bike with the Chef. He has the pesky knee pain ever since Super Bowl Sunday which has greatly reduced the types of rides he is capable of doing. Yes, that is approaching four months ago and it still bugs him. An occasional ride with the local ladies club is about all he can handle without causing severe pain. By the way, all the girls in this club have a similar riding position to Al B so this should explain why they go so leisurely down the road.

Finally the two of us were able to get out on the bike together for a beautiful ride in the hills around town. First I should explain to the readers of this fine blog that we each were riding our own bike. For some reason with partners like Al and Fred, I feel I have to explain this. Anyway, I was planning to ride for 4-5 hours while the Chef only had a few hours before his shift started at the factory. After an hour or so, the Chef turned around and headed for home.

The area we were riding is not very populated. Most would call it rural. Few people, less cars, and even fewer cyclists. While the Chef is coming down the hill towards a three-way intersection, he glances around for the rare car and sees none. He then proceeds to run the intersection. What he didn’t see was the pig (California Highway Patrol) parked under a tree a few hundred feet away from the corner. What he did see was the lights of the pig’s car that were turned on instantaneously after he ran the stop sign. That cock sucker (the CHP guy, not the Chef) whipped out his ticket book and filled it out. Actually gave the Chef a ticket for running a stop sign in the middle of nowhere. What a freaking joke. No cars, no pedestrians, and he still got a $300 ticket.

In California, this ticket goes on the driving record just as if you were driving a car. What a crock of SHIT. His insurance will go up now plus he will pay the fine. One does not even need a license to ride a bike but if one possesses a CA driver’s license, all moving violations in a motorized vehicle or not are attached to it. BULL SHIT! I personally have not had too many bad experiences with the law but it sure is understandable why they are despised of by so many.

13 comments:

moveitfred said...

Wood,

Moveitfred is confused. Was this a "crock of shit" or "bullshit?" Subtle yet significant difference, no?

A "crock" is defined space. If one, for example, was told to "eat a crock of shit," one would know when one reached the half-way point and, no doubt, be relieved that one's shit-eating was more finished than not finished.

"Bullshit," however, seems in most cases to be indeterminate or undefined space. A ref's "bullshit call," for example, suggests a multilayered opinion about the mishap--the ref does not know the rules, the ref was not paying attention, the ref hates your team, and, tangentailly, such a statement might also suggest the ref doesn't like puppies and/or he sucks cock. One might say that "bullshit" suggests a person or situation is infused with the offal, thus producing the sensation of infinitum.

Moveitfred is just trying to clear this up in his own mind in order to fully appreciate the situation.

ABH said...

Now Fred, let's explore this crock half full issue. Wouldn't this perspective--"relieved that one's shit-eating was more finished than not finished"--be predicated on a certain positivism? Especially when eating shit, wouldn't it be more the case that one would see the crock as half full; therefore, motivating the muncher to feel, perhaps, that their were mounds to eat before one could sleep. Furthermore, isn't it ironic that shit eating reverses the normal order of things--see the crock as half empty and you're a pretty upbeat fellow, aren't you?

Sgt. Rod Stiffington said...

Oh, Woody. "Have not had too many bad experiences with the law.." I'd say we've had some splendid experiences, wouldn't you?

Heywood Jablome said...

Let me explain.
The fact that is goes on your driving record is a crock of shit. The fact that you don't even need a licence to ride a bike but if you do you get extra punishment is bull shit. I hope this clears things up for you two although I know this is hopeless.

moveitfred said...

Al, you are exactly correct. Moveitfred does indeed feel that one must embrace the tenats of positivism in order to fully appreciate this situation. In fact one might even step back and employ Comte's first two phases in this quest: the theological and metaphysical (prior to, of course, reaching positivism).

With one's head expressed fully into the depths of a crock of shit one might construct a pre-Enlightenment vision of God amid the cauldron.

As Zola said, "The Truth is on the march and nothing will stop it." Moveitfred believes this insight applies to swine, shit, and assholes who don't obey the law.

ABH said...

Whoa!

Heywood Jablome said...

Yeah, I don't understand most if not all of the shit you typed but I do have one thought that comes to mind after reading it. Go eat a dick!

Abh said...

But in truth, I'm moved to think of Da Vinci's comments on painting "Here, right here, in the eye, here forms, here colors, right here the character of every part and every thing of the universe, are concentrated to a single point. How marvelous that point is! . . . In this small space, the universe can be completely reproduced and rearranged in its entire vastness!" So, too, may a cauldron of shit be reproduced and rearranged, ingested even. This truth is indeed on the march. And I doubt it would stop at a stop sign.

moveitfred said...

WWSRSD?

(What Would Sgt. Rod Stiffington Do?)

Sgt. Rod said...

Let's just say that Heywood would never be the same. (He wasn't the first 3 times.)

Chief Dvorak said...

Funny. Wood never seemed to have a problem with uniformed men when he was visiting us here in Czech Republic. ?

julie-ray said...

After all this yip-yap-yadoodlin', how'd you boys like to rest your heads on my two big pigs?

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