Is Wood way out of line or what?A few weeks back, the weather in California was rather chilly due to some low pressure system from Alaska. Along with the system came rain, wind, and as previously mentioned, cold freaking air. Cold temps and rain don’t bother Wood one bit. Just throw on the right clothing and he is ready to brave the elements.
One cold morning, Wood and the Chef headed out for what was supposed to be at two hour ride. Let’s make this point clear, a TWO HOUR RIDE. Not gone for two hours. The roads were free of traffic. The air was crisp and clean. Just a splendid day to be riding through the foothills of northern California.
About an hour into the ride, the Chef asked to stop by a gas station for some food. In Wood’s small mind, he was thinking the Chef forgot to munch before he left the house and wanted to consume an energy bar or banana to refuel his body WHILE riding. So the two pulled over at the only gas station along the route. Of course, the Chef forgot money and Wood lent him some money. What are friends for?
Five minutes later, the Chef walks out with a bag of beef jerky, some salty nuts, and a cup of steaming hot coffee. WHAT THE F%CK? A cup of coffee? For the next 15 minutes, the Chef just sipped his latte whatever. What kind of bullshit is this? When asked why he got a cup of joe in the middle of a ride he replied, “Nothing like a steaming cup of coffee to warm the soul,” or some crap like that. How about a hard f%cking ride to warm the soul? With a wife and child at home, two hours is all the time Wood had to exercise this particular day. If one wants to ride and take breaks, go join a bike club. They love doing that shit. Once a month they probably buy the drink for all who attend. But when riding with Wood, it is to ride. Not talk, drink, or make friends with the local celebs. Exercise is the goal, remember? Is this one pet peeve Wood should just try to let go?
11 comments:
Moveitfred is torn.
See, coffee rocks the freakin' house and Moveitfred feels this is the one vacancy in Wood's life that will complete him.
Wood, you got everything else in place, man. Leading man good looks, successful career, stunning family, politics in your future, staggering forearms.
But you cali fags and your organic wheatgrass latte blends.
Wait a minute, you had MONEY in your pocket?
When I ride, I always carry $10 with me just in case. Its been 4 years with the same bill in my bag because I will not spend it on anything until this coffee shit for someone else. Its not the coffee that bothers me bro. Its the coffee in the middle of the ride. I know that would never happen when riding with you. Hell, if I talk you just ride away from me.
Bet that bill had some serious freakin' creases in it. You sure it hadn't expired?
Moveitfred's daughter just got invited to go skating at a local rip-off establishment.
Moveitfred had no cash to give her for the over-priced rentals and snacks.
He had to run to the grocery store to do some banking.
Wood, where can Moveitfred hide some cash so that his money-grubbing wife doesn't get her mitts on it?
Wood, wake up and smell the spam burning. Sounds like your wife just politely asked the Chef to keep you out a bit longer. Two hours may seem like a long time to you, but that's why you're a fireman, not a milk man. Next time relax, have a coffee, and hit the hills for an extra hour or two. Everyone will feel much better.
Solo,
The wife is the one who wanted me back in TWO hours. "You better not be gone longer than TWO hours this time Wood or I am keeping your balls for another week," she yelled. So instead of exercising for two hours I rode for just over 1 1/2 hours and watched shitbag drink coffee for the other 30 minutes. Wish I had more time but the warden at home would kill me.
Fred,
Just open an account at another bank under your name. Enough said. Put all the extra laundry money you find in that account.
Or you could just store some extra cash in the cupboard with the cleaning supplies like I do. She NEVER goes searching in there.
Hope she does not read this. I better find another spot.
Well, at least I know where he has been all this time. I was getting suspicious about those 8 hours mountain bike rides. I mean, sure Chef is in great shape and all, but 8 hours is a long ride on a cold Sunday. Now it all makes sense.
Wait a second, is this all an elaborate scheme to throw me off the trail? Are you helping hide something Wood?
EW.
sitting around sipping coffee is a soggy pair of shorts is icky. unless i am waiting to get my bonked ass picked up by my husband after pussing out on a hill ride.
yeah, so?
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