Al and Dick

After about a week of doing absolutely nothing, Moveitfred, with prodding by Al, returns. Since Moveitfred ain't done shit all week (ie, no powertap data, no splits/mileage, no VO2/HIV/NAACP), he offers the faithful readership this artistic video gem.

Popsic-AL

Hey Now! Al is on the mend! 3 solid days of running after almost 2 weeks of illness. I'm feeling good. Still coughing up bisque, but hey, you can't have it all. Yesterday was a nightmare run...major ice storm here in the 'hood. I was running in an absolute downpour of ice and rain and snow. Soaked and chilled and generally frozen. But I slogged through a 5er with Al K and called it done. I worried that my illness would return with a vengeance, but I am ok. Today I did a 5 and some hill work. Legs feel good. I was aided by a pair of ice joggers today. These are a great invention, and I recommend them highly!!! They keep your ass vertical, for real. However, if you use them to run on ice while holding the hand of your significant other (like the two assholes pictured here), I hope you get hit by a milk truck and taste your own blood.




As you all know, I recently celebrated my 38th. I was starting to feel a bit long in the tooth. I'd like to get a full Ironman under my belt by my 40th, and I started to feel like this might be impossible for me at this age and stage (two kids, wife, mortgage, dog etc etc etc). Then I said, "fuck that!" I mean, look at the PO-lice. Those MFs are what, 70? 80? They're headed back out on the road this summer!

And VH is planning a summer tour too...with Diamond David Lee Roth at the wheel!!! If these fuckers can rock and roll through their decrepitude.............know'm sayin'?





On another note...some big love to my main man Fred (no, nothing gay here you bastards). Fred-O began his blogging career a bit more than a year ago (2/11/06). Freddy-boy is a brother, a friend, and a good worker at the factory (worker #3512236). Much love, much respect.

And let me close with the words of the immortal, the short, the now fat and bug eyed, the one time brilliant, the all too oftened involved in vehicular accidents Billy Joel:
And all that means is that I'm running on ice
Caught in the vise so strong
I'm slipping and sliding, cause I'm running on ice...

Keep on running. !

Very Kool

Today here at the Bicoastal Boys we honor Woody and Al. Two fine Americans who on this day, each, celebrate the birth of their beings into this great country of ours. It is as if they are, indeed, two brothers from different mothers.

Below, gentlemen, is a small gift from Moveitfred.

There's a party goin' on right here

A celebration to last throughout the years

So bring your good times, and your laughter too

We gonna celebrate your party with you

Come on now

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

Day at the Spa

Heywood checking in.

The day after I made the remark about the lack of precipitation and the superb conditions of the trails, the heavens opened up and dumped about a foot of H2O on the terrain in God’s Country. This made today’s outing a bit more challenging and a whole lot messier. I met up with a local transplant from Long Island in the afternoon to knock out about 12 miles while some cats and dogs where falling from the sky. The transplant (we will call him J) led Heywood on the Foresthill Divide loop trail at quit a fine clip. J is much smarter than he looks. He maneuvered into the lead right from the get go which ended up being a tidy move on his part. Copious amounts of mud flung from his tires only to find my face a short time later. J put the block on Heywood at every opportunity keeping my face in his radar. Mrs. Jablome says a mud facial is good for my aging skin but this is just plain ridiculous. After just over an hour in the elements, Heywood and J finished our ride and headed our separate ways.

Stats

Well, recovery continues for Al. And, since I'm not training this week, I've got a bit of time on my hands. Thought I'd upload some of my pertinent statistics for Jan 07 (someone will have to compute points for me):

• #of times I farted = 7,352
• # of times those farts led to a bowel movement = 64
• #of times I ate fish = 16
• #of times I did not eat fish = 93
• #of times I picked my toes = 128
• #of times I thought about sex = 126,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
• # of times those farts led to a (partial / unplanned) bowel movement = 4

Over the river and through the woods

While reviewing Heywood’s purpose in life, He came to the conclusion that not much is going on. Most of Wood’s days consist of finding some stretch of uneven single-track to ride, dreaming of some hot little skirt to ride, or filling my throat with the golden liquid from the heavens. But, there is one thing in Woody’s pitiful life that actually contributes to the good of mankind, a search dog.

About 18 months ago, Heywood got some foolish idea to train his hyperactive dog to do something truly remarkable. With the help of a county search and rescue team, Team Heydog started this adventure; unsure what the fuck they were getting themselves into. Now, 614.5 hours later, 25,216 miles of driving came down to one day last week. Team Heydog took our certification test last Friday. The goal, find three victims who are scattered all over 110 acres at some god awful altitude within four hours. During the ordeal, that little shiteater led Wood up 1,000 vertical feet and through 9.16 miles of dense forest. Don’t want to bore you anymore with the details so here is the skinny on it. HEYDOG PASSED!!! Team Heydog is a certified Search and Rescue team. So go get lost.

On another note, the state of the trails is marvelous with the lack of water falling from the sky. The Blur did not have such a high-quality week though. The rubber on the wheel looked like it got run through a shredder. Next, the derailleur hanger had the appearance of a banana after a miscalculation on a jump. Subsequent to dumping some dough to glue this shit together, Heywood was back in business today.

Where do you keep YOUR bitch?

Moveitfred is of the opinion that a cage in a good place for your bitch. Keeps them from whining and making messes all over the house. Just be sure to shut the cage door. And if she's clever, lock it.

Well friends, Jessie the guide dog bitch is back home after two weeks away fucking.

Yes, Jessie is with child(ren). Black Lab Jessie was matched up with a Golden Retriever stud, and those two did the dirty doggie dance for the last coupla weeks over in the controlled and romantic environment of the Guide Dog Foundation kennels. She seems very tired. Of course there is an obvious joke embedded in that observation, but you should know by now that Moveitfred never settles for the obvious joke.

You can prolly tell by the sparkle in the bitch's eyes that she will be a fine momma to her brood. Due date: early April. Family fred just needs to decide if they want the bloody event to take place on the new tiled floor, or if they should ship Jessie off to the foundation...

I entertain by picking brains

Sell my soul by dropping names

I don't like those, my god, what's that

Oh it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back

Blaxploitation?

Anyone else bothered by the whole "now more than ever" / "especially now," / celebrating black history month /celebrating 2 african american coaches in the Super Bowl bullshit? I mean, it was just product placement by Coca Cola and Tostitos masquerading as a real social statement. (Of course, that "statement" has reduced black history to who's done what lately.) It was heavy handed and transparent and insulting and annoying. Does this sell product? I hope it just pisses people off.

And here was another bullshit moment: Dungee's about to accept the trophy and the announcer has to drop in "we know it has been an especially hard 14 months for you..." Is that necessary? The poor bastard's son killed himself 14 months ago, so TV shoe-horns that in there to amp up the drama, the story. The fucking guy's wife and daughter are standing there too!

In the words of the great Bela Lugosi, "FUCK YOU!"

Audib-AL

I've been having some troubles as of late: 1) I've been sick as a dog and laid up for the last several days. I expect to be out of training for the rest of this week too. 2) I'm having second thoughts about another marathon right now. Let me explain...

This marathon (for those with # fixation, it is #14 for me and my best prior 26.2 was done in 3:20 and small change) was to be a lead in to my triathlon season. It was a good way to get really fit for the tris I want to do late Spring into Summer. But this cold has knocked me out of commission for the better part of two weeks worth of training. I'm sure I'll be ok in the marathon, but I'll be playing catch up the rest of this cycle. And from the get go, I've been feeling burnt on marathoning. Last year, I discovered triathlon for myself, and I am really amped up for this season. But marathon doesn't move me right now.

Here's what I've decided:
I'm going to finish out this winter season with 4 or so 1/2 marathon races. (The LI Marathon was to be a full but now I'll do the 1/2.) I'll hit the indoor pool more and get more miles in on the bike. In short, I'll start focusing in on tri earlier. This just FEELS right to me. So I'm doing it.

In keeping with this decision, I made a few purchases.



#1 is a Cervelo P2 SL. It's a full aero rig kitted out with a dura ace/ultegra mix. It's the younger cousin of the killer P3 carbon ('cept this guy is aluminum with carbon fork and stays etc. which makes it about $2000 less). I got it from a dude who bought it and rode it 5 times on the trainer before he realized that he jsut isn't built for an aero rig. (Picture silly fat guy with too much cash and a full quiver of other fancy rides.) The bike is essentially brand new, and I got it for far less than I would have new. I actually was ready to buy a new Cervelo Dual Dura Ace. This is a step up and I got it for a bit less. Cool.





#2 is an Aquaman wetsuit. I finished out the season last year with a lake tri in 60 degree temps. Water was high sixties and, needless to say, it took the better part of the day for my nuts to drop down out of my throat. I vowed not to go through that again. Plus, wetsuits make you faster as they improve buoyancy. Cool. (And no, that silly, soft, pasty fucker is not Al and he did not come with the wetsuit. Can you believe it? Aquaman chose this dude for the website. Maybe they're marketing to the everyman, to the same kind of schmuck who bought my P2 firsthand?)

Anyway, Al is geared for tri and amped to boot. Now I just need to get healthy and get going. Anyone ever do the Liberty to Liberty Triathlon? (Statue of Liberty to Liberty Bell.) Thinking of doing this one to start the year. Thoughts?

New Gym Rules

Moveitfred wonders at least once a week why he doesn't just pack it up and move to Amsterdam.

Naked Sunday

NFN

Right Coast Walk

Moveitfred joined the famdamnly for a hike through the woods today on a brisk Long Island afternoon. Clear, cold, and dry on the trails. Kids got a little wind burned on the tiny faces. That kinda shit builds character, in Moveitfred's humble opinion. Don't these photogs make it look like we's on a fucking death march?








By the way, isn't this just a fascinating closeup of some spectacular fungi? Isn't nature magnificent?





Moveitfred has been getting in some good fitness. He still hasn't got all the fucking data up yet. Moveitfred knows y'all are just dying to see some numbers.

Y'know, let's just get this out in the open, shall we. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ALL YOU MOFOS AND THE NUMBERS? MUTHA-FUCKIN' A! IT'S LIKE A FUCKING MATHEMATICS CONFERENCE ON THESE BLOGS OF LATE! NO PICS, NO BORECASTS, JUST "Well, guys, I'm entering my periodization with a 67.4 lactate (which is a 14.37% gain over last year)while my runs are decreasing to an average 7:29 per mile and my VO2 max is...." JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST, SPOCKS, IS THERE NO LIFE ON THIS PLANET? ANYONE GETTIN' ANY SKIRT? HOW 'BOUT THAT, HUH? IT'S COLD AND DREARY ENOUGH AS IT IS...GIVE MOVEITFRED SOMETHING TO ROUST UP HIS DAY, WILL YA?

(this public service message has been presented by Moveitfred, who is going to bed now with the mrs and getting up early for a brisk ride in the woods)

Trust The Quaker: The Boys ROCK! (Really. No...Really.)

Brick?

Today Moveitfred ran...

and then he did yoga.

He would provide all the fascinating numbers, and maybe divide the day into some kind of riveting pie chart, but he seems to have misplaced all his data.

Al, isn't that what you tri guys do? Y'know, multiple sports in one day?

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

First few days in the new Jablome quarters and all is well. So far, the mountain bike riding in and around Auburn has lived up to the hype. The trails are designed with the mountain biker in mind making for a pleasant day on top of the two-wheeler. And with the weather the way it is in Nor Cal right now, where can you beat this type of fun? Long Island? Hell No! Put a relatively easy 10 miles in today on a trail called the Olmstead Loop. Not too technical but can be challenging while trying to keep the pace high.

The Jablome abode is still facing one major dilemma, sleeping arrangements. Apparently Mrs. Neverblome thinks she has the rights to a place next to me in the bedroom. Until her body shape matches the curves of a Santa Cruz Blur, my sleeping partner is Aluminum. All of my efforts have failed in my attempt to set her straight so I am open to any suggestions. Meg, any ideas? I am confident Al and Fred will know how to handle this.

Tomorrow starts day one of the Base phase of the Jablome training year and I have a plan. According to the experts (Fred and Al), you must have a structured training plan for the year. Like I always say, “You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.” So get a training program and stick to it. This week consists of nine hours of cardio, mostly spent on the mountain bike. I have two days of rest planned for Wood as well. Monday consists of a 1 ½ hour run in the morning before work. Go Team Wood!

PS. Solo, what do we have to do to get a link on your blog? You are boring and all but, for some strange reason you have viewers and we need more. Help some brothas out.

Page! Compton! Ass!

Before you continue reading this blog entry, be warned. The most disturbing image on the net appears below. Scrolling down may permanently impair your constitution and cause you to throw up a little bit in your mouth. You've been warned.




So, how about those cyclocross worlds today? Page and Compton and Summerhill all with second place finishes. Too bad at least one of the trio couldn't bust out a win, yet great results nonetheless. Trebon just missed a top twenty finish as well. Moveitfred doesn't claim to be the expert cyclocross aficionado, yet even armchair fred can figure out that this was a very strong showing for the USA. Bravo.

Today Moveitfred joined Al Bangorhard and Al Keholic for some gritty mountain bike fun out at the Calverton trail. Serious muggy heat wave here on the island paradise this morning. The three boys were planning to ride the Cathedral Pines trail, but warm, wet conditions in the a.m. demanded that the boys alert each other with a cell-phone audible while driving and switch locales. Cathedral Pines is well known for flooding at the slightest hint of moisture. A dude pisses half a mile away and suddenly the trail is a swamp. No joke, amigos. So the rendezvous point changed about 5 miles east to Calverton.

The three boys were the first to arrive at the trailhead this morning, and although the usual lake o' mud sat in the parking lot, the trail was in pretty good shape. About half the trail had a thin layer of slush that compromised traction a bit, but otherwise it was pretty dry and clear. The boys hit all the diamonds today--even taking multiple laps on a few--and got a good burn that clocked in at just under two hours.

Here is some evidence of the slushy conditions on Moveitfred's rig:





And now, in case you've forgotten what was posted above, is another warning. Below you will see the most disturbing image on the internet. This, my friends, is a shot of Al changing it out in the back of his mutha-fuckin' Camry sedan.









Sensitive individuals should scroll no further.









You've been warned.









OK.









Here it is.









Al's ass:

80s Style Fred

Al here:
This morning featured some MTB riding for the boys. (I'm sure Fred will have more on this, so I won't pre-empt him. In fact, I think he got a good shot of my hairy ass during a post ride gear change. Keep your fingers crossed.) It was a good change of workout venue for me as the 38 miles I banged out in the last 5 days have left my poor feet more battered than normal.

But here's the heart of the matter: Freddy is looking ba-a-a-ad! He's down about 12 or so from his prior porky state and is looking lean and mean. (Actually, he's looking hungry and it made me kind of nervous. Mid ride we stopped after a black diamond circuit, and he was sizing up one of my limbs like a roast beef.) CONGRATS FREDDY! KEEP IT UP.

Pretty soon, Freddy will be kicking it 80s style, when he was a lean, mean racing machine. In honor of the new Fred-Lite, here are a few "tasty" 80s tid bits:



1.(If you can watch this one all the way through without cringing or slamming the stop button, you're a better man than I.)

2.(This always Winds Fred Up.)



3. Feel Like Rolling the Dice?





4. And, finally, a little something from the guru to keep you focused.

Against the Wind

So, as Fred alludes to in his prior post, I went to see Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band at Madison Square Garden in Manhattan last night. Now, before I answer the most pressing of your question ("why the fuck would you do that Al?!"), let me tell you a bit about NYC lately. Folks, it is colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra doin' push ups in the snow in the middle of Antarctica! I walked to a restaurant about 2 avenues away from the station (meeting my brother, Willy Bangorhard, for dinner before our show). Afterwards, I thought I might have hypothermia.

Back to the question at hand, ("why the fuck would you do that Al?!"):

Al was remembering those Hollywood Nights, his big two wheeler, those dark haired beauties, Betty Lou and the way she'd get down, those trips to K-k-k-k-k-Kathmandu. Al was hoping to see Bob belting it out. Al was hoping for the legions of Harley chicks that used to follow the Silver Bullet band around. But....




Well, let's just say that things were not as Al would have wanted them.



And Bob, well, he still sound pretty good. But he ain't what he once was.




But then again, who is?

Hey Al...

Have you seen old Rosie?
Is she lookin' mighty fine?

How 'bout hot Nancy?
Is she steppin' right on time?

Yoga Wreckage

As faithful followers of Moveitfred know, Monday is yoga night for the lanky and uncoordinated one. This is the night Moveitfred aligns his chakras and heals his hamsas. Tonight the Mrs. was across town at a meeting and planned to meet Moveitfred at the studio, however the high school sitter got all caught up in some riveting discussion at the drama club meeting and arrived late to send Moveitfred on his way.

Since Moveitfred can't stand cracking open the squeaky door and tip-toeing into the room after class starts only to inevitably get that last spot right up front, Moveitfred gave the sitter a sharp spank on the patookus and sent her on her way.

No studio yoga for freddo tonight.

Situations like this force fred into a home practice of his asanas, and so Moveitfred pulled up one of his fav home yoga tapes and got in a little darshana here at home.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

fred in the woods

Moveitfred brokered a deal with the Mrs. over breakfast this morning (you go to yoga with the girlfriend first thing, Moveitfred will pick up kids, when you get home Moveitfred is out the door to the woods...) and put in a good two hours on the mountain bike over at the Cathedral Pines trail.


As Al pointed out earlier, pretty cold mofo today. Not, of course, KL training center north cold, however quite nippy in the 20's nonetheless. No wind in the woods, however, so conditions were very bearable. In fact, chilly Moveitfred was quite toasty with a few thin layers on. The fahking water bottle was the problem. Froze up on Moveitfred forcing him to circle back to the car for a beverage after one lap of the trail.


Trail was in good shape, bone dry and frozen solid. Only rough spots were the deep ruts that the douchebags carved out in the muddy sections after our recent rains. Moveitfred tackled his arch nemesis today: the log piles. After a breezy warmup lap Moveitfred went out of his way to circle through a few black diamond sections in order to climb the wood. Moveitfred was quite successful in getting over a few new piles without digging the chainring into the timbers and going ass over teakettle.


Back to the factory tomorrow for the start of a new production season with Moveitfred's ol' pal Al. The next few months should be filled with merrymaking and buffoonery as fred and Al try to exact some revelry out of the drudgery of assembly line work. Are you ready Al?