imbroi-AL-ed

Wherein Al comments on Marion Jones.

It's one thing to be a cheating cock like Big Head Barry.

It's a whole other thing to absolutely fuck your team mates like Marion Jones.

I know many of you will argue that they're all dirty, so screw 'em. But let's just sit with this a moment. Imagine for a second that you are a world class runner and you get assigned to this relay as part of the olympic team. Imagine--hard as it may be--that you are a clean, honest competitior. And imagine the 4th leg of your relay turns out to be super studette Marion Jones.

Fast forward a bunch of years and your medals are being stripped from you because that absolute animal that anchored your relay cheated. (Again, someone you were simply assigned to run with.) Maybe I'm simple, but I'm seeing this as plausible. And it sucks.

Li'l somethin' for Marion:

More Cool Shit

With special appearances by Heywood, Moveitfred, and Mrs. Moveitfred:

Whitmore's Day 1/Women's Field

It's all about the call-ups

Whitmore's Day 1

Random Whitmore's Pics

Have you heard this one?: These 3 Belgians walk into a bar wearing red jackets...

"Moveitfred's head tube is about this big, atmo."

Sandy, off-camber, wicked corner of death.


Here's the thing: Meg don't give a shit if the course is taped or not. She's going to kill the off-camber turns regardless.

Some riders get all the fans, atmo.

These guys run up hills.

So do these guys, but they add into the mix huge horsepower on the flats.

option-AL

Al offers a choice...

The other 2 boys have given you quite a bit of content on the Whitmore this weekend in the Hamptons. I thought I’d offer an alternative to all the cyclocross content.

First…big ups to our boy GVB who completed his first marathon!

Next…

This weekend was also the Chicago Marathon. (Al ran the Chicago in 98 in 3:20 and small change.) This great race was hit by a heat wave. And I’m sure you all know that a competitor died. (There’s been a lot said about this tragedy. Al will refrain from talking about proper training and fitness prior to such an event.)

Instead, let’s focus on the amazing first place finishes on the Men’s and Women’s side

A) Here’s what not to do……..

Adriana Pirtea (22 years old and having NEVER run a competitive marathon before) finds herself passing #2, Berhane Adere, and in first place. Adere is having problems from the heat and seems down and out. Pirtea continues to run well in the lead. Then, 1/2 mile from the end, Pirtea decides to Cadillac a bit. She's near the finish and figure that she'sblown by Adere (a seasoned competitor)...she feels she’s got the win. She takes the final turn and starts high fiving, doing the old “look at me, I’m good.” The dumb bitch never looks back. Meanwhile, Adere has gotten her shit together and is pushing her her emaciated ass through one unbelievable final push. Consequently, she dusts Pirtea just yards from the finish. Ni-ice.



B) In the Men’s side, Jaouad Gharib from Moracco and Patrick Ivuti from Kenya had the greatest finish in Chicago marathon history. This was an absolute duel over the last mile and a total photo finish. Ivuti took it by a nose.




Big shout out to the other two boys. Nice work!!!

Whitmore's Cyclocross Day 2/Elite Men

Moveitfred's daughter working the camera over the elite men's field on the log run-up.

Whitmore's Cyclocross Day 2/Elite Women

Compton and Bessette making the sandy corner that ate up Moveitfred look easy.

The WORLD CHAMP!

On October 4th, Heywood Jablome landed on the local landing strip near Fred’s house for a week of family time, sightseeing, and most importantly, racing/watching the Whitmore’s Landscaping Super Cross Cup held in South Hampton on Saturday and Sunday. Such an amazing experience for all who were able to attend this fabulous weekend at the races. Of all the highlights running through Wood’s head, one STICKS out further than the rest.

On Saturday, the three-time world champion Erwin Verveken took 1st place after a tremendous battle with Barry Wicks and Ryan Trebon. Marvelous race! After the awards ceremony, except for a handful of racers, the venue cleared out very quickly as if the Mets just lost their 5th straight home game. Fred and Wood were two of the few remaining because of a dinner date with none other than the talented Meg and her husband JD. But before dinner, the two had to hit the showers (not together).

When entering the locker room, it appeared they were alone except for one person in the shower. Standing next to the showers, Wood and Fred started to disrobe when the curtain was pulled back and out comes the WORLD CHAMPION ERWIN VERVECKEN dripping wet and smelling wonderfully clean, as Fred would later describe him to Wood. And for the record, Wood was not to impressed with what he saw. So with the champ drying off, Heywood jumped into an open shower stall. Apparently, Fred thought this was a wonderful opportunity to congratulate the champ on a spectacular race and thank him for flying to the USA for this race. Erwin, being very humble and polite began to ask Fred about his race. “How did you do,” and “are you pleased with the results,” Erwin said. Yes, the WORLD CHAMPION ERWIN VERVECKEN asking FRED about his race. WOW!

After Heywood was entirely clean, he stepped out of the shower to witness something offensive to the point nausea. As Erwin and Fred were wrapping up the conversion still stripped down to the BONE, Erwin stuck out his hand for a shake. “Friends don’t shake, they hug!” said Fred as he spread his arms apart. With Erwin being from Europe, this didn’t bother him one bit. They approached one another for the hug, body parts freely dangling about. While holding this long embrace, their meat swords where battling it out below the belt. This is the most disgusting gesture Wood has ever seen. Fuck those Europeans are just as strange as the New Yorkers. YUCK!

Heywood retreated to the toilet area to puck his guts out.

Wood waited until all parties were dressed before he said a peep.

Heywood sez:

ATMO!

Whitmore's Day 1/Katie Compton

Freakin' Katie Compton Show in the Elite Women's race. HUGE engine.

Whitmore's Day 1/Elite Men

Ripping it up the logs:

Systems Mostly A Go

The plucky Heywood Jablome enjoyed an arousing flight here into LGA surrounded by the entire DePaul Women's Soccer Team. Moveitfred had trouble spotting Wood at baggage claim until he stared deep into the clutter of matching Blue Demoness sweats and saw Heywood parked in the middle, dialoging it up with several of the fleet-footed lasses.

After pulling Woody away from the giggling throng Moveitfred was able to fight the traffic back out here to the hitherlands and get settled in for the night.

This morning Heywood assembled the rad, single-speed, Steve Wrecks ghetto cross, and then Moveitfred took his guest out to Cathedral Pines for some cross-specific schooling out in the fields and deep, dark woods.

Wood managed to fahk up the rear hoop a bit on some of the challenging Long Island singletrack, but luckily Moveitfred was able to work a deal at the local shop and get Heywood back in business for the race in the a.m.

PS--Woody's gonna be cinching down the rear hub on the single-speed with a sketchy Ultegra quickie-release. Please send up a prayer tonight to your favorite Deity of Great Power for Wood.

Two days, two new bikes for the Heywood Jablome Household.


Heywood’s new Cross bike. Actually, old steel frame that he took to Steve Rex in Sacramento to weld apparatus for cantilever brakes. All other parts new were found lying around the bike shop. Will ride for first time this weekend at Fred’s place in Long Island.

Wife’s new Cannondale Synapse Carbon 3. 18 lbs with pedals. Sweet rig for the lady.

Race

Last weekend Heywood and his race partner Chitwood participated in an adventure race at Lake Tahoe called Big Blue Adventure. For this 6 – 12 hour race, 57 teams entered. Teams could consist of 2-4 persons or solo if one desired. The weather forecast the night before called for shitty weather with continued shitty weather throughout the day.

While making the drive to Lake Tahoe from Casa de Wood in God’s Country, Chitwood looked out the window and said “not sure how it is going to rain if there is not a cloud in the sky. I can see all the stars Heywood.” Yeah. This was at 5:00 am. The two arrived in Tahoe City and staged there bikes next to the kayak in the transition area and then returned to the start/finish line. Morning temps were pushing the very low 40’s at best when the duo was getting dressed. At 7:00 am, 30 minutes prior to the race start, the organizers handed out to each team the map with all the instructions and coordinates for all the checkpoints that must be reached by each team. Team dumbass (that’s wood’s team) mapped the route they decided to take and was civilly waiting the final five minutes before start time when the weather came ragging down in the form of hail. CRAP! With a shot from a bad 44, the race was on.

First was the run to the kayak in the hail. Then Kayak was supposed to be 8-10 miles to two CP and back to the transition area. This did not work out the way everyone expected. Team Dumbass was almost all the way to CP 1 when the lighting starting striking all around. At this point, the US Coastguard stepped in and turned everyone around. Maybe the idea was to out paddle the storm. This was turning out to be a magnificent Noreaster.

Next, the two jumped on the bike and peddled to the orienteering course. After finding all the orienteering markers even though some where misplaced, they continued trying to locate the remaining 4 checkpoints scattered across the mountains of Lake Tahoe. All this was done while snow, rain, or hail continued to fall from the cloudless sky. Heywood felt like he was training for a cyclocross race on the east coast.

After finding the last CP, the only obstacle that remained was a 1200 foot decent while atop their bikes. As they were screaming down the trail, a large black bear ran directly in front of Chitwood. Chitwood then looked back at Heywood and yelled “BEAR!” While looking back at Heywood for comfort and protection, Chitwood steered his mountain bike right of the side of the trail. This caused a catastrophic crashed that Wood thought would somehow end with Chitwood dying and being eaten by the bear. Amazingly, Chitwood was OK and the two raced to the finish line with no further complications.

Results:
13 of 57 overall
3 of 17 for 2 man teams.
Over 9 hours of frozen misery and fun.

LAAAAAA Ang-ALs

Li'l Something for Heywood

Meg

Clear in her opinions in CX mag.

You get your hands on some of that dough and Woody will figure out how to spend it. He ain't gonna be bringing much new cash to the table horkin' around the 3/4 race on a singlespeed.

Heywood "Singlespeed" Jablome!

Fahking Heywood gonna be

Rockin'

the brand spankin' new Steve Wrecks singlespeed at the arena this weekend!

Photos Wood?

Which way to the podium Wood?

Bring your fast tires and your sprinter's legs Wood.

representation-AL

Wherein AL lists a number of things that suck





1) Fred
2) The Mets
3) The cold I've now got (after a weekend away at a stupid fucking wedding that cost me $1000).
4) The fact that that cold has added "insult" to injury and taken away any thought I had to competing this upcoming weekend.
5) Blogs

The Pink Fairies...

are in!



The other team is....uh....um....

Lesson 1: Style Points

Woody:
Notice how the Treefarm DOES NOT bang his nuts on the top tube on the remount. Notice how he smoothly negotiates the turns before plunging downhill. THIS IS NOT A MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE, HOLMES!