TRI-umph!-AL

Al's Update on the healthnet Tri at Milford Beach, CT

Despite foul weather to start, we got the race in! We arrived at about 6 Am for a 7 Am start and it was VERY foggy and raining on and off. The official word when we arrived was a "we'll see" about the swim because you couldn't see (at all) any of the course buoys (PEA SOUP). After about an hour, the officials called an audible. They changed the swim course to make it a 2x loop course around the first two buoys. (The course was originally a diamond that went much further out into the LI sound.) When asked on the new distance for the course, one official was quoted as saying: "I haven't the foggiest. Pun intended."

The swim: there was a good deal of chop and current and fog as I went out on the first portion of the loop. This made the first leg a fight against current and a real "heads up" swim to see the buoy. We then turned right and followed the shore. The chop made this a bit tough too as I had to adjust quite alot to current and wave action to stay on course. The leg back to shore prior to the second loop was nice--current and wave at your back. The second loop was much the same. One thing we all agreed on: the 1.5 k swim course was now a good deal longer. I expected a 26-29 minute swim depending on conditions. I came in at about 35 minutes. I heard estimates that placed the course at 1.25 miles (about a 1/4 mile longer than expected) to 1.5 miles (1/2 mile beyond course description). I think it was probably between the two estimates. Whatever it was, it was a challenging swim with a lot of readjustment due to poor visibility and tide. I should say, that I am jazzed about the swim too. It was great to be banging it out again in such a dynamic environment. Pool swimming is a boring business. Even though the LI Sound course was tough, it was fun.

Transition areas were unremarkable. Standard paved stuff.

Bike: The course was wet and we got a number of rain showers during the ride. The first portion of the ride features some hills and a good deal of turning. This section was treacherous. I came into a turn at the bottom of a hill and wound up sideways, dabbing/sliding to stay vertical. after that I played it a bit more conservative. Others weren't so lucky. I saw several downed riders. One was being ambulanced away as I passed. I feel I biked well given the course. I averaged about 19-20 mph for a mostly flat, WET course. I don't know exact times as my watch/glasses were fogged and a pain in the ass. I know I reined myself in though. A side note: I like these tubulars a lot. But they are pumped up high and they were very slippery on the wet course (I should have mentioned a few other "slick" moments; none as bad as the one described though.)

The run was a nice two lap course and I put down 7:20s and 7:30s. I can't be exact here as mile marking was poor--only miles 1,2,3 were marked for a 6.2 mile run. The second loop my splits were all screwed up.

My overall was 2:52 and change. This is for a 1.3-1.5 m swim, 26+ m bike, 6.2 m run. I'm happy with this for the first tri of the season and for my first olympic tri.


One thing that is worth remarking on: wah, I'm chafed. Leaving at 4AM proved problematic as I spaced on my body glide. (And no, I didn't prevail upon any of my fellow triathletes: "hi, mind if I rub your body glide into my ass and armpits?") So I am chafed. Fucking rookie mistake.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the season. I plan on at least 2 more Olympics and 2-3 sprints before the end. I'm also waiting to see if I get into the NYC marathon. We shall see.

--AL

rebutt-AL

A Little Something for Moveitfag

Arizona Redux: Sports

The antibiotics seemingly have kicked in and Moveitfred's head has calmed from a boil to a slow simmer. Still have the major ear pluggage keeping the world pretty quiet coupled with occasional brown plugs of gack spewing forth from fred's tubes, but the overall pain and heartache of the infections have subsided.

With a clearer head fred now reflects back on the wide world of sports, particularly on a brand of sport freddy got hooked on in AZ. See, after burning through the desert landscape with Al all day, fred would collapse onto the spacious room couch and flip on the telly to some sort of mindless sporting event.

Admittedly one of the disturbing choices fred made was to get all into ESPN2 arm wrestling. Let Moveitfred tell you, that is some serious man-on-man shit. Very intimate, very sweaty, and sometimes straps are used if the contestants get too hot and bothered.

Moveitfred deserves all of the mockery and ridicule he received from Al Bangorhard on that front.

But Moveitfred would like to revisit another sport that consumed some of his time in that lonely ol' hotel room and that Moveitfred found himself watching with rapt intensity last night: the Women's College Softball World Series.

Al was giving freddy shit about this in AZ as well. In fact, Moveitfred thinks Al's exact words were, "Why you watchin' that lesbo shit on TV?"

But freddy got hooked nonetheless. Perhaps it was the impressive athleticism of these young women. Perhaps it was the interesting "small ball" strategies that played out on the base paths. Perhaps it was skill involved in punching base hits around the field off the heat these pitchers were throwing.

Or, perhaps is was the hot babes on the U of Arizona team.

Al's right in some regards. A few of the players on other teams were a little tough around the edges. Yeah, ok, some were downright rip-off-your-testes-and-slam-a-jackboot-into-your-bleeding-crotch tough.

But U of A was top to bottom lineup prime hottie material. Even Moveitfred's wife noticed. Last night, during the final game against Tennessee, Mrs. Moveitfred said after much study of the game, "Hey, those Arizona girls aren't lesbians."

Yes, no kidding.



Moveitfred would just like to say congrats to the Lady Wildcats for their something like 50th national championship by whuppin' those tough Lady Vols 5 - zip last night. And a special shout to that feisty little blond whip on the mound, Taryne Mowatt, who apparently threw over a thousand pitches in the tournament.


Blond, tanned Taryne is from the 909 in So Cal, but we won't be too hard on her for that. Moveitfred would stand naked at home plate and let Taryne throw screwballs off his nads if it meant he could take one of those umpire brushes and tidy her uniform after 7 innings.

Heywood Gets Caught "Growing Up"

Preparation-AL

Al, back from Feenix, prepares for his olympic tri.





Hello All. I'm back. I know Fred ("Man Who Stands With Boy-sized Feather")is down and out with a double ear infucktion. Feel better Freddy!! I'm feeling a bit shitty too after the trip. But I think I'll be fine.

I have the Health Net Olympic Tri saturday. I feel I am well trained for this event (as well trained as one can be this early in the season). I could tell that I am peaking during a spin workout Fred and I did last week. It was an interval workout that laddered up with longer and longer intervals. I felt myself getting stronger and raring to go as we progressed--a sure sign that I am chomping at the bit in this pre race taper. One point of concern, though, was the limited amount of open water swimming I have been able to do for this race. Most swim work has been pool work (even with the wetsuit, it is tough to do much open water this early on). I got in one swim in the open last week. Today I went and just practiced water to bike transitions in the suit:
I went down to the ocean (colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra doing pushups in the snow in Antarctica, I'll have you know). I would swim a 100 yd triangle than dash from the water to my "transition area" de-suiting as I ran. I did about 10 repeats of this until I felt like the kinks were worked out.

I've ridden a good deal and feel bike ready. I'm a bit nervous about equipment. Mostly it is the tires that freak me a bit. I've not changed a tubular.



I probably should have practiced that but... Well, I've got a spare tubular, I've got an air gun and some CO2s. We shall see... And, worst case scenario, I'll enlist the help of my good friend, DNF.

I'm not going to make any time predictions nor set any specific time goals. All goals are effort/pace based. Here's why...I do not know the course. Also the distances--even though it is an "Olympic"--vary from race to race a bit and the transition areas are not all standard distances from course and on standard terrains (I've gone through sand, gravel, dirt, grass etc to get to a transition, and I've gone anywhere from 50 to 250 or more yards too.) Here's my plan: I'm going to try to go off mid pack with the swim. This should prevent the beating, biting, shoving, flogging that happens near the front with the REAL DOUCHEBAGS and it should keep me from swimming over the people who position themselves at the rear due to weakness on the swim. In the middle I'll take some bumping and shoving and swim over a few but it shouldn't be too extreme. I plan to "feel out" the swim course (chop/current/temp/crowd etc.) and just try to remain in good form at a good effort level--my mantra: stay long, press my T, turn on the long axis from the hips, extend extend extend.




I then want a quick exit and easy out of the suit into the shoes and onto the bike. I am not one of those guys who leaves the shoes on the pedals. I just don't dig running in socks and trying to get my feet into pedaled shoes. So my transition will be a bit longer here. I was quick last time though. And I just whip on shirt and socks/shoes--I swim/bike/run in the same tri bottom. (That's right, Bad Ass AL is doing 40k on the bike with no chamois...can anyone say "saddle sores"?) On the bike I, again, want to feel out the course. I've got pace/cadence and effort goals in my mind. And I've got some form things for me to focus on with my posture/back position/foot position in the downstroke and upstroke/ upper body position on the bars etc. Once off the bike, it is an easy transition into the run. {I should also mention that I got and really like the x wing on the back of the bike...makes racking the bike really easy.} Off with the bike shoes, on with the sneaks and hat and off we go.



I am MUCH more comfy predicting run times/pace. I'm setting in my mind some predicitions or goals in the course is indeed flat and fast, if transition is easy, if winds are low etc. I've got variables figured for eventualities. I'm going to carry 4 or 5 gels. One of which has caffeine. This one I'll jack right near the end (3 miles left on the run). If I do it any earlier, I fear the mad crash that I get from caffeine. (I was looking for those energy jelly beans to try. Anyone ever use them? Good?) Anyway, that's the story. If you've got anything inspiration-AL or education-AL, share it now. More to report after the race.

Peace, Love, Harmony with the Moon, the Sun, Trees, and Piss-Clams,
--AL ("One Who Stands With Elephant Trunk")

Al Asks For More Coffee At Work

AlBtrauma

So Moveitfred still felt like simmered caca this morning and made an appointment with Dr. Feelgood to try to get a handle on this poison racing through his body. Moveitfred's symptoms? Lethargy and lack of motivation (both very common daily occurrences for Moveitfred) coupled with searing pain and bloating from the neck up.

Doc did the detailed probe and came to the conclusion that Moveitfred has a double ear infection along with severe barotrauma. Now this second piece of the diagnostic puzzle is a new one for Moveitfred, and with his plugged Eustachian tubes he thought he heard the doc say "AlBtrauma." Moveitfred immediately sat bolt upright on the crinkly-paper exam table and screamed, "Yes! Definitely AlBtrauma, doc! Moveitfred just spent three whole days listening to that douchebag yammer on and on and on. Tell Moveitfred he didn't cause permanent damage, will ya doc..."

Doc didn't say much other than to give Moveitfred a scrip for Zithromax and an escort out the front door.

Phoenix Fun

No, Moveitfred will not succumb to the boorishly "clever" trick of playing with the Ph/F letter combo in the title. Al and freddy just got back from Phoenix, and they had fun. Fuck you.

Moveitfred is also in a piss-poor mood today not only just because he came back home to a shitload of ridiculous emails from work, but his head is also swimming in congestion from the constant up/down bullshit of a cross-country Southwest flight. Moveitfred's upper ENT plumbing went haywire on approach into Chicago, and today it feels like his melon is going to pop.

But enough of Moveitfred. Back to the bicoastals lavish stay in Phoenix.

Al and freddy were sent on a mission of mercy to the Valley of the Sun by the factory in order to kickstart and bring home some new production methodology through meetings with our colleagues in the Southwest. This is, of course, a fancy way of saying the two bicoastals went on vacation.

With a pounding headache and mucous running from his nostrils and into his mouth, Moveitfred is going to cut the two full days of grueling work bullshit from this post and skip right to the fun. Boss, if you're reading this, the bicoastals did however put in two full days of mentally exhausting and physically draining work before busting out the vacation stick and slapping each other in the ass with it.

So this past Saturday the bicoastals opened with a killer desert run through the searing heat north of Scottsdale. They found their way to a spectacular area called Pinnacle Peak, laced up the trailrunner kicks, and shoved a few fat tourists aside as they burned through the Sonoran landscape.

As the bicoastals were rehydrating and gaining their senses back at the end of the run they were approached by two ASU hotties (and Moveitfred is referring to the gathering heat of the noonday sun, of course) who were filming a piece on desert exercise and hydration for college TV. The bicoastals were sized up (so to speak) by the film crew and deemed obvious experts on desert fitness and survival. Al, being the MUCH more photogenic bicoastal (yes, Heywood, including you), was chosen for the on-camera segment, while freddy lurked around in the shadows snapping compromising pics of the event.

The suave Al Bangorhard was both polished and striking in front of the camera, appearing as if broadcast journalism was his profession. Complex questions from blondie like "How much water does that pack hold?" and "How long are you in town?" did not faze the inscrutable Al B. He hammered out strong, clear answers with the poise and sophistication of Cary Grant, or someone like that. In fact, Al came off as quite the expert. See, Al has never been to the desert in his fucking life, yet when Blondie opened with "Do you come here often?" Al was quick on the draw and completely convincing when he replied, "Why yes, this is my regular desert run, hon."


Here we see Al getting drilled (so to speak) by Blondie, while pert brunette looks on.


And here we see the trio pose for a group shot (so to speak). freddie has never seen Al with such a wide, sparkling grin on his puss.

Following this adventure the bicoastals hopped in the rental car and headed up the I17 to Sedona. There the battered bicoastals took on the red rock canyon wilderness and hiked deep into a slot canyon where Al got all spiritual and started chanting and raising his arms to "our Mother, our creator--the earth."










That was all fine with Moveitfred, but when Al proposed we "bare ourselves" to our mother in a wilderness sweat lodge ceremony freddy suggested an about-face to the car.























On the way back the boys spooked a gang of wild swine from the bushes. With lightning fast reflexes, Al sprang forward and grabbed one of the peckers by its haunches, but it swung around and sank its tusks into his forearms. No telling how Al explained the puncture wounds to his wife.


In the end the bicoastals hit up Mamacita's roadside mex for some big platters of carne asada and enchiladas before heading back down to the metro area.

The following day the bicoastals got the early flight out of Sky Harbor for the long trip back to civilization. On the first leg the bicoastals sat across from this douche:



Now, take in the complete baggery of this douche in his full glory and then let's talk a bit about the tat, shall we? A lightning bolt behind the ear with two teardrops trickling out from the source?



You fucking badass, you.



Moveitfred thinks Douchie here is working off the threat of Southwest gangland murder in this pussy little creation. Course the authentic vatos wear the tat tears as notice of the rivals they have deposited into pine boxes. Sir Douchebag here probably recalled the two armadillos he flattened on the way to a motorhome convention in Albuquerque and wanted to try to impress his squaw wife with a badboy image. Sorry Douchebag, the Bicoastals don't buy your shit.



Well, the eastern contingent of bicoastals are now tucked home safe in their northeast abodes, safe from the ravages of heat, hardscrabble landscape, and the temptations of sun-leathered hotties.

Al and freddy are alright tonight.