TJ's Win

Grab hold of the inspirational, pounding Gladiator music and go buy yourself a Cannondale.

digit-AL

This post could be titled verb-AL too. But I just used that one so...

Anyway, it has been a hard few weeks for the Als. We were supposed to close on our new house last week. We were at the table, but our buyers had a bank document problem. The closing was halted. as a consequence of that, I could not buy my new house, the guy I'm buying from couldn't close on the place he's moving and so on. 5 parties screwed up in that deal. No shit. Dominos! Looks like we'll be moving next week...we'll see.

This all has made my training a bit "scattered" to say the least. I've been slamming out quick 5s in the morning. When I can, I jump on the trainer for a bit in the evening. But as soon as I'm settled, it's back at it in a more organized manner.

And the 08 tri schedule is starting to trickle in. Looks good! I already screwed up though. I've been dying to do the NYC tri. The swim is in the Hudson. It starts up at about 100th and goes down to midtown--DOWNSTREAM. I hear it is really about steering not swimming as the river CARRIES your ass. The rest of the deal is right in Manhattan. Cool. Here's the big BUT: the announcement came out for it at the end of November. I said, "ok, let me do that..." But way lead on to way. Here I am not a month later...I go to the website. Fucker sold out in 1 week. SHIT! Ah anyway, there are plenty of races. More news on my 08 plans as I figure 'em out...

So here's the crux of this post. It's an interesting little linguistic analysis. I shared this with Fred. He wanted no part of my theorizing. See what you think:

"He, like, totally fingered me..."

So I’m on line at the Bagel Boss round the corner when I hear this conversation between the two almost 20 somethings in front of me.

"he, like, totally fingered me"

“No Way!”

Now, let me ask you this, what’s a “total” finger? What’s it being juxtaposed with, a partial finger? Finger fuck with an oral finish? Finger / oral / good ole fuckin’?

Al's theories on “total”:
my thinking is that the “total” here probably refers to one of two things
A) The totality of the act: he fingered her and that, besides some petting and kissing, is all there is to report. (Probably a first time too. This would explain the “no way.”)
B) She came from it. “Total” here describes the depth (orgasm) of her experience. (And I’m still going with the ancillary first time theory.)

One could posit third and fourth theories. These theories would revolve around “total” referring to the level of penetration he achieved with his finger, measured either in terms of knuckles or vaginal cavity. Or “total” referring to a qualitative assessment of the fingering: “totally fingered me” equalling “fingered me very well.” However, I think that these theories—as stand alones—are limited and likely not accurate. My guess is that these operate together as a sub set of the larger “she came” or B theory. In this reading, level of penetration / quality of fingering are related to each other and are contributing factors in the achievement of orgasm. Thus, an unpacking of the language, in theory B, might yield a translation of this sort: “he fingered me so well and so deeply that I achieved orgasm. “

Thoughts?

Say What?

Merry Christmas! First off, let Wood start off by saying Merry Christmas! Or Happy Chanukah, or Happy Kwanzaa, or whatever the hell you celebrate. Second order of business, let everyone in the blogging world who actually reads this crap (MIF and Al) recognize why no posts have been made from the west coast. The Jablome Family has a new arrival. No, it’s not a new-fangled Vanilla road bike, although that would be nice. Not a BMW 745 however, that is on the Christmas wish list. It’s a Baby Boy!

He was born November 3rd weighing in at 8 lbs 15 oz, 22 inches long and is an eating, sleeping, shitting machine, just like his dad. Most importantly, healthy. This is the first child to the Jablome family and many things are confusing Wood.























For starters, Wood is exceptionally knowledgeable with dogs, all household animals for that matter. Potty training the pets was speedy, straightforward, unproblematic, and took only a few days to complete. Sure there was the occasional catastrophe but for the most part it was a great experience. Not so much with the baby. Wood employed the same established techniques that worked on all the pets, rubbing their nose in the shit. Six weeks old and still no improvement. Can someone help a brother out?


Next, the unvarying crying. Wood has been married for over five years, a few of them pleasant. When the marriage was new, Mrs. Jablome tried to cry to get her way. “I want this, waa waa waa, I want that waa, waa, waa,” she cried. Woody doesn’t play that game. He just elevated his voice and told her where the bear craps in the woods. She soon learned. This baby though, is not paying attention to what daddy is saying. He just cries until you feed him. Wood tried the same approach again and he just keeps crying. Does he not understand who is in charge of this family? Is he deaf? How does one lay down the law? Until this is figured out, the Jablome family will just shove food down the mouth until he pops.

Wood does appreciate all the help the readers (MIF and Al) have to offer. Hope Wood is forgiven for his lack of attention given to this blog as of late.

verb-AL

The ‘08 resolutions are beginning to percolate in ole Al’s head. One comes right to the top. Al needs to be a kinder, gentler worker at the factory. One immediate area in need of improvement, LANGUAGE! Al’s a fucking potty mouth.

Here’s what I’ve gotten from H.R. to help me with this problem:



Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.


Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.


Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late .
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?


Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.



Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!



Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.



Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.



Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?


Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.



Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?



Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.



Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.



Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.




Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.




Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.



Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.



Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?



Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.