Moveitfred taking a moment to both honor the greatest sporting event on the planet and fuel a recent theme on this pathetic blog.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
urin-AL
Al Discusses Life, Liberty, the Pursuit of Happiness, and Fred's Fucking Small Bladder / Wicked Stage Fright
Another Monday has come, and I am glad for it. Monday = off day. Ahhh. I am one battered Al. I've raced and trained a lot over the last week or two. I've got those, just can't wait for the taper blues (those of you who play guitar may want to start your three chord progressions now).
But, enough about me. I'm really writing to talk about Fred. More specifically, Fred and his urophobia.
{What is Urophobia?
Defined as "a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of urine or urinating", each year this surprisingly common phobia causes countless people needless distress.
To add insult to an already distressing condition, most urophobia therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. We believe that not only is this totally unnecessary, it will often make the condition worse. And it is particularly cruel as urophobia can be eliminated with the right methods and just 24 hours of commitment by the phobic individual.
Known by a number of names - Urophobia, Fear of Urine, and Fear of Urinating being the most common - the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences urophobia in their own way and may have different symptoms. Our treatment involves no drugs. }
I've suggested a
Treatment for Urophobia for Fred. He's so relieved, he's doing better already.
With this victory under my belt, I've moved on to a few other common issues that plague us. i've started a sort of advice column. Here's an excerpt:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive.
Maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure, just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
~~
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it! Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowness with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful
and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him; then cook him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; he
should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
Another Monday has come, and I am glad for it. Monday = off day. Ahhh. I am one battered Al. I've raced and trained a lot over the last week or two. I've got those, just can't wait for the taper blues (those of you who play guitar may want to start your three chord progressions now).
But, enough about me. I'm really writing to talk about Fred. More specifically, Fred and his urophobia.
{What is Urophobia?
Defined as "a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of urine or urinating", each year this surprisingly common phobia causes countless people needless distress.
To add insult to an already distressing condition, most urophobia therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. We believe that not only is this totally unnecessary, it will often make the condition worse. And it is particularly cruel as urophobia can be eliminated with the right methods and just 24 hours of commitment by the phobic individual.
Known by a number of names - Urophobia, Fear of Urine, and Fear of Urinating being the most common - the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences urophobia in their own way and may have different symptoms. Our treatment involves no drugs. }
I've suggested a
Treatment for Urophobia for Fred. He's so relieved, he's doing better already.
With this victory under my belt, I've moved on to a few other common issues that plague us. i've started a sort of advice column. Here's an excerpt:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive.
Maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure, just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
~~
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it! Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowness with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful
and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him; then cook him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; he
should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
~~
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
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