verb-AL

The ‘08 resolutions are beginning to percolate in ole Al’s head. One comes right to the top. Al needs to be a kinder, gentler worker at the factory. One immediate area in need of improvement, LANGUAGE! Al’s a fucking potty mouth.

Here’s what I’ve gotten from H.R. to help me with this problem:



Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.


Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.


Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late .
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?


Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.



Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!



Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.



Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.



Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?


Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.



Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?



Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.



Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.



Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.




Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.




Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.



Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.



Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?



Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.