Hell on Earth

Well the Family Fred Halloween Bash hit the fan last night and went off without major tragedy or loss of life.

The guest list included nearly 100 of the most preeminent adults and children in the greater Long Island region. In other words a fucking mob scene here at La Casa de Fred.

The forecast called for heavy rain which would have added to the disaster of upwards of 50 candy-amped kids tearing through the house. Luckily the Gods were gracious once again this year and kept the precipitation to an on/off again drizzle. Kids stayed outside and some of the drunk parents were even able to coax up a huge bonfire with the help of a can of lighter fluid. This gave the kids a chance to chase each other around the yard with burning sticks. Nothing but good, clean fun here at Party Fred.

About half way through the evening one of the hotcake moms in attendance began invading Moveitfred's egg space with a slurred dialog about whether or not Moveitfred ever imaged his life turning out "this way"--suburban address, packed house of other minivan families and kids, soup, men holding wine glasses, a "craft table" out back. In other words, a complete catastrophe. (Moveitfred thinks there were ulterior motives to this intimate exchange, but that's for another time).

Here's the thing. First off, Moveitfred jacked off big time for about the first 30 years of his life. This current situation, Moveitfred believes, is simply a swinging of the pendulum. Nothing to stress about. It's all a big game of balance, man. Next, Moveitfred has learned there are ways to negotiate these tragedies. Last night was a perfect example.

See all this, Moveitfred means ALL this, got Moveitfred on the wife's good side. Moveitfred was a Host-fucking-Master last night. He served cheese and crackers, led packs of kids through the Haunted Room of Death, introduced Dr. Igor Von Choppingblock and his blood-soaked skit of horror, replenished the soup, circulated the estate with idle chit-chat bullshit, even...poured wine.

So long about midnight as the freds were helping the last of the tottering, drunk parents find their kids Moveitfred's wife embraced Moveitfred with heartfelt thanks for all his help. That's when Moveitfred pounced:

"Gee, thanks honey. Say, y'know how the kids have soccer all day on Sunday? Is there a chance you can handle it, cause, y'see, there's this cross race in Jersey...."

Moveitfred scored the big win on that one. He got the ok, roared into the office, powered up the Gateway, and sneaked in with his reg just before the deadline for the Craigmeur on Sunday. Nice.