Happy Holiday!

What a magnificent Memorial Day it was. Family always comes first. The wife decide to go on a ride with some Doctor to help get her mind right. Being the nice man that Heywood Jablome is, he offered to take the dogs swimming at the river while Mrs. Jablome was out enjoying the holiday. Water was perfect. Cool, calm, and hopefully free of semen. There was this couple about 100 yards upstream of Wood and the dogs going at it. Now when Wood says going at it, he means going at it. Right there for the entire world to see. So he did what ever self-respecting man should do, watched the whole thing. Who needs DVD’s when you can go to the river and see it live? Sorry Al, no pictures of this.

After the exercise with the dogs, it was now Heywood’s turn to get on the bike. The local bike skills park is where you could find Wood and the gang (Big Cat, Chef, and the German immigrant. $2 was the cost to get into this newly designed park in Folsom CA. There is still much work to be done there but it is off to a good start. With Wall rides, skinnies, and a few very small jumps, these guys where as happy as flies on shit.


The German Immigrant










Big Cat

The Chef

What wet dreams are made of

While living in God’s country for just over three months, Wood has only been aboard his road bike just a handful of times. This normally would be no big deal but Wood’s got plans. He signed up to partake in the Death ride this year. For those of you who are clueless about this ride, it is 128 miles and 15,000+ feet of elevation gain. Heywood is right on pace to get a DNF at this rate.

So Sunday, Heywood had his sight set on exploring some of the beautiful roads surrounding God’s country. With map in hand, Wood was on his way. While climbing the first assent of the day, he encountered an old geezer by the name of Warren. What started off as a pleasant hello turned into a 30 mile love affair with the streams of asphalt road that traverse the countryside. Wood has wet dreams about roads that snake their way through California’s golden hills. These roads are only whispered about in dark alleys. Here was the chance of a lifetime to shut up and learn.

For the next 30 miles, no words were spoken from Heywood’s lips as he sat back and took notes. This old geezer knew all the secrets and he was willing to share his knowledge with a flatlander from S-town. Climbs with names like Baxter Grade, Chili Hill, Bald Hill, and Mt. Vernon kicked the ass of Wood just the way he dreamed of. Up and down, left and right. It is true; heaven does exist here on Earth.

After 30 miles the tour with Warren was over. Wood rode to the Chef’s house. Needed someone to share the newly found knowledge with. So now it was Wood’s turn to take a newbie on a tour of ecstasy lasting about 30 miles. What a day.

Jokes on me

On Friday, Heywood, Big Cat, Lil Cat, and the Chef decided to drive up the boulevard and ride some miles near the crest of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. The trail of choice was “Hole in the Ground” which starts near the summit of Donner Pass. Only question was is this trail physically possible this early on in the year. Usually the answer would be a hell no! But, with the lack of snowfall this year in the California mountains, could be feasible.

So Saturday, while Heywood Jablome was at the bike shop building up a kid’s bike and fine tuning his own steed, he started to ask some people at the shop if they had any input on the situation. "I don't know, maybe," was the consensus until one meek voice spoke up. "Yes, you can do it. I just did it last week. Almost no snow to speak of. You should try it." What the heck Wood thought, that’s a good suggestion. We will attempt it.

Two hours later, the four men were wedged into Wood’s commuter vehicle and headed up the hill to conquer this trail. After driving for one hour we arrived at our destination in high spirits and energized to hit the trail. Things started off well until mile three when the boys encountered our first patch of snow. No big deal. Just a little snow. It was a short hike-a-bike until the next patch of snow. Then the next. Then the next. You get the point. Walk 50 feet, ride 50 feet. This is three miles into the ride and there was still 20 miles left. What the hell. Was that guy at the bike shopping setting us up? That SOB pulled a fast one on the boys from God's country and is probably sitting around some campfire with his friends and family laughing about it right now. Crap.

The only option was to retreat back to the safety of Heywood's gas guzzling SUV and head to another trail. After a quick brainstorm, another trail was chosen and off we were. The new trail was nice, technical and a joy to be on. The elevation killed both the Cat Brothers and Wood but did not seem to affect the Chef. Got in only about 15 miles that day but what an adventure it was.

After the nice ride, we encountered a

Japanese tourist at the trailhead. This guy had a lens on his camera that was as long as my head tube. His family probably invented the camera as we know it. Couldn’t imagine another person more fit to take a picture of us after our ride. Looks like the boys are taking it in the ass once again.

If You Had Fun, You Won!

This was the slogan plastered on the backs of the t-shirts worn by participants at freddy's kids' school rally/competition day.

Forget failed domestic policies, deteriorating foreign affairs, obesity, low test scores, and terrorists.

This slogan signals the beginning of the end of the United States of America.

Coming Clean

Well, now it seems that Lance and Moveitfred are the only two cyclists left who have never done the dirty.

But Moveitfred is going to change all that with the first Friday night circuit race.

Timeout

Bloggers, wouldn't it be great to spend a little time away? Isn't everyone longing for some R & R? How about a trip to a pleasant, warm locale? To a sparkling resort? With a few pools, a spa, tennis, nearby golf, delectable dining?




And to have a spacious, well-appointed suite to relax in with, say, a jacuzzi, fireplace, killer sound system, kitchen?




What about, oh for example, Scottsdale, Arizona? Sure, a little warm these days, but it's a dry, healthy, cleansing heat. Wouldn't that just be the nines?

If Moveitfred could only pull off something like this. But, alas, he has no money for such a fabulous escape. He can only dream...

Juxtaposition

Congratulations to all the graduates around this great land of ours. May you live long and prosper.



Oh, and just for the hell of it, here's someone from Italian TV.

Wood is alive.

These last few weeks have been an absolute waste of time for Heywood with regards to cycling. This last week has been the worst. Heywood found himself at work Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. That adds up to 120 hours at work this week. Monday was for a little extra spending cash for Mrs. Jablome while Saturday and Sunday were shift trades with another factory worker.

For Wood’s two days at home, he was hoping to spend copious amount of time atop his two-wheeled machine while ascending the mountains of God’s country. As with most of Wood’s well designed plans, shit happens. Tuesday morning started out as a glorious day with an abundance of rays from the local star shinning upon the hills. The plan, Big Cat was coming over to Heywood’s casa to pick him up and then the two of them shall drive to the brand new mountain bike skills course in the City off Folsom. This park has it all: three different elevated skinnies to ride, jump park, rhythm section and much more. Heywood and Big Cat were going to tear it up like two kids with not a worry in the world. Afterwards, the two riders were going to pick up the Chef and hit the trails for a short 25 mile ride. As Big Cat was driving down Wood’s driveway, the phone began to ring loudly. “Hello.” Shit. Someone in this great state of California was lost and a request was made for Heywood and his dog to join the other dog teams and locate the lost individual. Sorry Big Cat, ride is off for this day. So away we went. After a long afternoon and night, the lost person was found, not by Wood, but found none the less.

So Wednesday found Wood and the Chef on the road bike for about 45 miles. The two gained a few thousand feet while climbing to the town of Colfax just up the road. Traffic was light and the sun was bright. Heywood was just happy to get out on the bike for the first time this week. Thursday was back to the grind for the next four days. Please, let us all pray together that more time will be available next week for riding and contributing this blog.

The Wednesday day ride was supposed to include Big Cat but he was unable to attend due to the fact that his wife’s water broke. The flood gates were wide open and it was time to take her to the hospital. 30 hours later, Big Cat was the proud father of a little pussy cat. Congrats.

These first few days at work have been very busy for Wood. Wood imagines that this is what it feels like to get bent over and punished. Please, don’t ever let the boys go to prison.

inconsolab-AL

"Oh Heywood, Heywood, wherefore art thou Heywood?"

Al, saddened by the loss of his amigo, Heywood, asks the ever important question:

GOT WOOD?!!!!

Commute

Mrs. Moveitfred has got the yearnin' to commute to work on a regular basis, so Moveitfred and the Mrs. went on a venturous exploration of routefinding this morning to find the way to go and back. After unceremoniously dropping the kids off at the neighbor's house for pancakes and cartoons, the freds were off. Chilly, chilly morning with some lingering showers moving through, but after a warmup it was simply lovely, y'all.

Mrs. Moveitfred is lucky in that her route to work takes in some of the most scenic roads in the area. She starts by skirting by our millpond and then heads through some rolling hills into Stony Brook Village.


From there it's a right turn past another pond and grist mill and through the rolling harbor hills where, after about 5 miles of the best cycling road on Long Island, the road dumps out into Smithtown. From there some roundabout skirting through your standard-issue, middle-class, Scott's turfbuilder neighborhoods and the Mrs. is at work. The freddys flipped a Uie and headed for home with a quick stop for some joe at the Stony Brook pear.

The Mrs. is amplituded up over the route and is planning the full-blown dive into the cyclo-commute next week.

1989 Party

Moveitfred don't know shit about what's going on in Malibu right now, but he does know that this here weren't no fahking circus sideshow.

This is all about a bunch of guys doing 90k down a mt in the rain in order to wear a colored jersey.

Both the bikes and balls were steel in those days.

WithdrawAls

This morning Moveitfred got himself all amped up on Fourbucks and headed down to the south shore of our little island paradise to bang out a ride with Al Keholic



and Al Bangorhard.



What a couple of characters those guys are, showing up for a bicycle ride in nerd wear and skirts. Oh well, Moveitfred has as big a sense of humor as anyone and, despite being revolted and embarrassed, he laughed along with the gang and lead out the ride from the House of Kreb.

An all around good ride, although Al B's shirt kept getting tangled up in the rear wheel causing him to drop off the pace once or maybe twice. Halfway through the trio met up with Steve, The Magic Man, formed a solid foursome paceline, and pounded on home. Great day for a ride here on the island with plenty of lingering clouds passing through to keep things cool. At the end of it all the boys ordered up some horrific Chinese down the street and washed down the slop with diet beverages. Is there any better way to end a hard ride?

Earlier in the week Moveitfred spent the entire day with Al Bangorhard, blowing off a shift at the factory in order to "explore" the doings of a factory a bit west of the boys. Well, both fred and Al felt no need to rush over to this other plant and so they met up at Al's favorite little bike circuit and pounded out a few laps and uphill sprints. After Al blacked out on a final sprint the boys packed up, took care of business at the other shop, and then managed to fill up the rest of their work day at a pub. Is there any better way to spend a day at work?

Tonight Moveitfred's very young daughter will school him into submission at the local pool. Afterwards Moveitfred will draw a warm bubble bath, shave his legs, and then settle into a nice, comfy chair with some warm tea.

genit-ALs

Bowen NOT suspended for this knee to the Nash 'nads.

appeAL?

“I don't think that offer justified a response”

reiproc-AL

A Li'L Something for Solo:

Here's how a real man shaves down pre-race.
(Fred prepping for his last race)

For the Record

Moveitfred does not suck.

Moveitfred is simply guilty of attempting to suck.

iirc

Your American Idol Comments

go here, atmo.

Your NBA Predictions

go here, iirc.

chronologic-AL

So there it was, 10 PM last evening. I'd just returned from a Cinco de Mayo party at Moveitfred's, and I was laying out my goods for the LI 1/2 Marathon this morning. I pulled out the socks and shorts. I grabbed some shit clothes to peel and toss roadside, since it was to be very cold this morning, and I grabbed my watch. Now this watch is about a year old and I'd used it only a day earlier to clock a 5er; nonetheless, the fucker was blank faced. Shit. Back in the car. At 10 pm Sat night, you can't find a place to buy a new timex ironman piece of shit plastic watch. But you can find a drugstore open late that sells batteries...and I did. But when I got home and opened the aformentioned piece of shit plastic watch up, what I saw startled me. There was a whole apparatus that needed to be removed before the battery would come free. There was a plastic liner, a metal cover, a small wire clamp, and two wire clasps. After about 5 minutes of fucking about, I'd busted the bastard beyond repair.

This morning (5:45 AM) I searched around frantically thinking, I must have an old piece of shit plastic watch around somewhere. WRONG! So I sucked it up and ran sans chronometer. This lead to begging a lot of the nearby runners "hey brother, can you spare the time?"



To make matters worse, I have a pretty bad head/chest cold. (Yes, I'm sick again. FUCK!) I had a good 10 minute session of lungee clearing before the start. Here too, though, I worked through it.

It was also windy and cool at the start. (And no, Fred / Woody / Solo, you fucks, I wasn't also menstruating during the race.) But after the 10 mile mark, the wind was behind us and temp was no factor.

I am happy with my run.

Total time: 1:38.40..........Pace: 7:32
I ran 1-10 at about 7:35-40 and then picked up a bit for the final 3 (wind behind me at the finish).

This was a good training race. I'm going to take a few days off to get healthy and start in on training for the Mossman Olympic Tri on 6/9.

bestow-AL

A li'l something for Moveitfred Jr. (turn volume up LOUD)