Moveitfred's Available

Lessee. Ullrich gone to pasture. Basso out. Hamilton and his twin out. Dozens more about to get busted.


Fuck it. Moveitfred's been hammering out over a hunnerd miles a week. He's feeling good. He's got some free time on his hands.


This is an official offer: Moveitfred is available to fill out a roster this summer.

motivation-AL

Whaddya Think, Nega-Coach?














This was a good weekend for training--nice hard ride Saturday and a good long run Sunday. (I won't give my pace/heartrate/power output/level of arousal). Next Sunday is the Long Island Half Marathon. Cool beans.

Watch out for that...

Classic cycling moment brought to you by Moveitfred Jr:

Moveitfred and Moveitfred Jr. (six years old and beginning to dig the whole zen/bike thing) are out for a 2 mile spin around the harbor.

Close to home Moveitfred Jr. jumps a curb onto the sidewalk and says, "Hey Moveitfred, watch this!"

"Dude, what are you doing?"

"Watch, just watch..."

WHAM! Straight into a telephone pole.

Moveitfred peels over to admire the yard sale and says, "Dude, what happened?"

Moveitfred Jr. shakes away the pink canaries and says, "Ah man, now THAT wasn't supposed to happen...."

Misc-AL-any

Well, a few bits of flotsam and jetsom to cover folks:

1) AL-ec

Many have complained about Alec Baldwin's rant on his daughter's voicemail. Well, we've just now heard the explanation. Baldwin was running lines for a reprise of his award winning character, Blake, in the upcoming sequel "Glengarry Glen Ross 2: Shelley Levene Strikes Back."

And remember, Coffee is for closers, you fucks.



2) Giuliani the Jackass: In the wake of Giuliani's ludicrous vote for me or die here's Keith Olbermann kicking Rudy's ass from here to Iraq and back.

3) And since I don't want to veer completely away from the sporting life, here's a little something from The Onion:
NEWPORT, RI–Some rich guy came in first Monday in that big, famous yacht race held every year at the Newport Yacht Club, a big, fancy yacht place with "a whole lot of really expensive-looking boats and shit," sources reported.

Trivi-AL Pursuits

Well, another training update here. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo, right? Anyway, the Als did a nine-er this morning before heading into the factory. Nice run. We warmed up with a mile at 9 and then trimmed down to low 8s for the remainder.


Dismiss-AL

Your hero, Al Bangorhard, pulled a fast one and slipped out of work today. (Yes, this is after coming in late due to my long run.) I dismissed myself and headed to Shea. Where I spent 6 innings swallowing as much as I could (beer that is). Then I headed home thinking, " a bad day at Shea is better than a good day at work."

Land of the Vines

A strange occurrence happened here in Auburn, California this last few days. For some unexplained reason, a storm veered off tract and instead of slamming into the North Eastern States as usual, it passed right through Northern California. What the hell. This is April. We rarely get rain here in God's country and never in April. Temps should be in the upper 80's by now. So as expected after a gully washer, the trails were muddy as heck.

Sunday was the 17th running of the Napa Valley Dirt Classic mountain bike race and Heywood's first. Big Cat, Heywood, and The Cook made the two hour drive through a torrential downpour in the wife's gas guzzling SUV to the town of Angwin, just a stones throw from Napa. Upon our arrival we found nothing but beautiful rays from the sun shinning on the muddy trails. These conditions were going to make for a delightful race. This race draws a large crowd and even a few pro's like Mark Weir to name a few.

So with the firing of the gun, the race was off to a fast pace. Started with a few muddy climbs that were rideable and then the WALL came into Wood's view. This short steep hill was most likely walked by all racers on the course this year. Once atop the hill it was back on the bicycle for some fast, muddy terrain. Trying to stay upright was made very difficult due to all the mud that accumulated on the tires. While on one of the early descents, Wood took a nasty crash on a gradual left-hand bender. Not very technical, just unable to get any traction until I hit the large stump just off the trail. No worries, still riding. There was some of the most beautiful single track that I have ridden for the next few miles. Lots of turns, tight, ups and downs. Just amazing until.... the big climb.

Now Heywood does not have one of those computer things on his bike. You know, the kind that show you how far the bike has traveled. So at about mile 15, came this climb that has to be longest, steepest, longest climb Heywood has seen while aboard a mountain bike. It just keep going. Right when you thought it was over, you turned a corner and it got steeper. Never seen so many people pushing there bikes up a hill. Wood tried to stay on top of his bicycle as much as possible but had to walk a few spots. The mud made it even more difficult than this climb should have been. Believe the climb lasted about 4-5 miles before finally leveling off. From there, just a sprint to the finish.

So with a time clocked at just under a day, Heywood Jablome crossed the finish line. Was he first? Nope. But he did set a personal best time. More importantly, Wood beat the guy on the unicycle. Thank God. Will do this race next year fo sho.

Lessons learned:
1. Use tires more suited for mud when riding in mud.
2. Don't use brand new cycling shoes for the first time during a race.
3. If you do violate lesson number 2 (above), bring mole skin for the blisters.
4. Don't drink a 40 before the race.

Fred Dualey

Hang down your head, Fred Dualey
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Fred Dualey
Poor boy, you're bound to die

Moveitfred squeezed in a dualey today by:
a) Running one mile with the daughter this a.m.
b) Transitioning onto the bike for a hard two hours with multiple hill repeats
c) Lacing back up the sneaks for an easy three

Moveitfred spent what was left of the day sprawled out on the soccer sidelines watching his kids boot the little white ball and getting the top of his melon burned to an even red.

Makes Moveitfred feel like singin'.

first day with the new wheALs

Could it be? Yes it could!
Something's happening, something good!

Here Comes the sun...doo..do..doo...do



Wow what a morning to ride!!! The weather is just gorgeous. And after this shit spring, we deserve it! I popped on the new wheels for the first time, and away I went.





I did some big wheel grinding and pounded out 25 miles at a good clip. WHOA! These wheels are fast. They spin like tops. And it doesn't hurt that they're up near 130 psi. After the ride, I slung that little aero rocket into the back of the truck and ran a 5 miler. Nice du-AL workout for my saturday morning. Weather was so nice, I didn't want to stop.

On another note, who's gonna teach me how to change a tubular? I don't expect a flat, but I'm fucked if I get one. 'Bout all I know is it involves no tools and some glue. Nothing good can come of this.

FlashFred

First shorts day for Moveitfred. This annual event is completely outside the realm of understanding for Heywood Jablome, however those of us out here in these parts know. There comes a time in the spring, often swept onto our doorsteps by abrupt climatic change, when we get to strip off the warmers and dance like we've never danced before (more on this clever allusion in a moment).

Moveitfred, off from the factory for the entire day, skipped out on an early group ride and delayed his planned cycling until the noon hour in order to experience the full enjoyment of this glorious day. Of course we also know that first shorts days mean electric white legs exposed for the world to see for the first time in the new year. One must tune out the relentless catcalls from motorists and simply endure the ridicule for a few weeks until the pigments darken.

However this brings Moveitfred to his intended topic this day, one that, ironically, combines material above such as warmers and the striking image of white-hot leg exposure.

Last evening, while settling in for a round of ab work on the stability ball and flipping channels to find some good bun-burning inspiration, Moveitfred experienced a Flashback of gargantuan proportions. There, just starting up on the "Movies that Rock" segment on VH1, was a golden reel from Moveitfred's past: Flashdance.

Flashdance helped shape Moveitfred's world view at a significant developmental moment in his life. From the fluffy mane on that tasty little milkbone Jennifer Beal, to the titillating off-the-shoulder fashion, the warmers, the athletic tape, the sweat, the inspirational 80's hits...the entire package was a 10.

However, dear reader, do not think Moveitfred is stuck in a 1983 time capsule. Moveitfred has matured and is capable of now viewing these cinematic events under a new lens. What Moveitfred didn't remember from the old days is the significant environmental statement Flashdance presents to the viewer. Consider reader: Pittsburgh, steel town, filth, factory exhaust--our protagonist Alex toiling away under the heat of a Quiet Riot mask by day. At night, however, raw human sexuality, fitness, and power.

And--now follow along carefully because here is where Moveitfred ties all the threads together--what visual device allowed our protagonist Alex to bridge these two worlds?

The bicycle.

That's right, the bicycle. That Alex chick OWNED those mean streets of Pittsburgh on her bike. To/from work, a trip to the gym, off to the ballet company--Alex pounded out life with a Gewilli-esque passion for the clean-burning machine. What many remember from Flashdance is only the image of that bucket of water splashing down on our heroine, however what Moveitfred appreciates now is the timelessness of that other important message:

"You work all your life for that moment in time,
It could come or pass you by
It's a push of the world, but there's always a chance
If the hunger stays the night"

If Moveitfred could pass along one message to this confused and yearning world of ours it would be: Embrace the hunger.

10 Mi-ALS

The weather is improving and the boys are chomping at the bit. May the 7th is the Long Island half for Al K and I. We'll use this race to jump start the tri season.

Yesterday, we banged out a nice 10 as a training run. The Als went out in 9 minute miles. We just kept a nice slow pace and stretched out the legs. At the turn around, we trimmed down to 8s and finished with low 7s (final mile at 7:10). It was a nice run...I'm really looking forward to the upcoming Triathlon season. Our first tri will be an Olympic distance on 6/9 up in CT.

How Al Killed a No Hitter

So last night I'm watching the Mets beat up on the fish with Dontrel Willis on the mound. John Maine was fantastic, and in the sixth he was still hitless. Like a real dickhead, I call my dad (who I knew was out to dinner). "Dad," I say, "get your ass into the bar. Maine is pitching a no hitt--" BANG! Just as the words are coming out of my mouth, Miguel Cabrera swats a soft single to right center. Why couldn't I keep my fucking mouth shut? Well, at least the fish and Willis got their asses handed to 'em by my Metropolitans. And Maine looked great!

Megitfred

For years Al, Heywood, and fred have dished out big, honkin' spoonfuls of love and respect to the tempestuous Meg and her creaky knee. Now, after all that selfless support, Meg has finally, FINALLY seen fit to link the Bicoastals on her blog (in the NE section which kinda leaves Heywood outside the loop, but that's kinda where he belongs anyway).

In honor of this momentous occasion, Moveitfred pays his respects to one of the great TRANSPLANTED Mass (which is near NH, as far as Moveitfred knows) bloggers of renown. Posted below is Moveitfred's favorite image of the stunningly beautiful and complex Meg (and JD, you understand what Moveitfred means....)

Moveityogi

Al Bangorhard, in a fit of bewilderment and peevishness, recently chided Moveitfred for not posting any workout descriptions or data. For Al, and the other loyal reader, here, in a nutshell, is what Moveitfred accomplished Monday night (in this order):

Samasthiti
Surya Namaskara A
Surya Namaskara B
Padangushtasana
Padahastasana
Utthita Trikonasana
Parivritta Trikonasana
Utthita Parshvakonasana
Parivritta Parshvakonasana
Prasarita Padottanasana A
Prasarita Padottanasana B
Prasarita Padottanasana C
Prasarita Padottanasana D
Parshvottanasana
Utthita Hasta Padangushtasana
Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana
Utkatanasana
Virabhadrasana (A & B)
Dandasana
Paschimattanasana (3 types)
Purvatanasana
Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimattanasana
Tiriangmukhaikapada Paschimattanasana
Janu Shirshasana A
Janu Shirshasana B
Janu Shirshasana C
Marichyasana A
Marichyasana B
Marichyasana C
Marichyasana D
Navasana
Bhujapidasana
Kurmasana
Supta Kurmasana
Garbha Pindasana
Kukkutasana
Baddha Konasana
Upavishta Konasana
Supta Konasana
Supta Padangushtasana
Ubhaya Padangushtasana
Urdhva Mukha Paschimattanasana
Setu Bandhasana
Urdhva Dhanurasana
Paschimattanasana
Sarvangasana
Halasana
Karnapidasana
Urdhva Padmasana
Pindasana
Matsyasana
Uttana Padasana
Shirshasana
Baddha Padmasana
Padmasana
Uth Pluthi
Shavasana

Al, yoga is 90% mental and the other half is physical.

Hypothetic-AL

AP: "Agassi inadvertently hits wife with racket, Graf requires stitches"


Think anyone would buy me "inadvertently" swimming, running, then biking over Mrs. Bangorhard?







In reference to your query (in comments) Freddy, here are the tires I'd be using.

Moveitfred sez

Paris-Roubaix is not a summer race.

Fahkin' dusty cattle stampede.

Yawn.

Shelter From the Storm

The New York Times (herald of all things urbane and seminal) is calling the gathering disturbance out Moveitfred's window perhaps "the worst storm since 1992." Right now it's just rainin', but apparently several forces of great resolve are synchronizing into a potential catastrophe of historical proportions. In preparation for all this, Moveitfred ran out of the house this morning and down to the local Fourbucks to get himself a to-the-top venti house blend. No cow, no crystals--just straight up black brew. Moveitfred recommends all y'all take it stiff, soupy, and black.

All of this talk of "worst storm since '92" reminds Moveitfred that he was not privy to this last early 90's right coast disaster as he was living out his halcyon days on the left coast, schooling the young Heywood Jablome on the art of the full-throated, celebratory life and basking in the glow of Newport Beach sunsets. Then, in a turn of fate, Moveitfred accepted a position as the new kid in an aging right-coast factory operation in need of a young mind to propel the assembly line into the 21st Century. In time Moveitfred met the perplexing Al Bangorhard, and nothing has been the same since.

Why all this reflective meandering this morning? Boredom, really. Mrs. Moveitfred and Moveitfred's daughter are away west of these parts at a county swim meet where Moveitfred's daughter is undoubtedly schooling the others in her age group in the 50 Breast. Moveitfred's son is intent on assembling a new bow and arrow project in the other room. And Moveitfred...well, he's content nursing his black brew, watching the gathering storm out the window, and posting just a few choice bits of tail to remind him of those warm, glorious Cali days of old.

du-AL

Al eats, drinks, and make merry
I went out last night with a number of my man friends (all except Fred who isn't aloud out on weeknights and doesn't have permission to travel to the big city without adult supervision). We went to the world's best steak house, Keen's Chop House, Manhattan. I had a great meal and a number of great beers. All was good.


This morning was completely screwed for AL.
This morning was another story. I had a food hangover and was a bit dry (couldn't seem to find the damn cat that slept in my mouth, though). Freddy and I were supposed to do a road ride this AM, but that got F'ed because I had to run to the airport to pick up a family member.

After the airport, I used some well placed whining and pissing to get myself out of a b-day party for a family friend's 5 year old. The mrs. gave me a pass and took the kiddies. YEE-HAWWWW!!!

So I made my own little duathlon in the 2 hours I had. First, I trucked over to my circuit course at Cedar Creek and pumped out 20 miles on the Cervelo. A bit windy but lovely riding weather. Then I did a quick transition and busted through a 4 mile run. Damn, I felt good. I thought I would be in a world of hurt after the dual heapings of abuse I've given my insides this week (Met's home opener then the chop house last night). But I was good to go (after a visit to deuce-ville, of course).

Now I am going to sit back and re-hydrate while watching the Mets play the Nats. "Nothing could be finer.."

I got a Rash!

Heywood at your service, kinda

With the weather so stunning out here on the west coast, it is pointless to stay inside while letting the body decompose on the couch. So Heywood and Big Cat hit the trail to knock out one of IMBA Epic trails, the South Yuba. With the ladies in agreement to shuttle us to the top, Heywood’s reliable blue truck was strategically placed at Edward’s crossing. The shuttle service, consisting of two fine-looking ladies and an excellent mode of transportation, drove the boys to Highway 20 and Omega road where our Epic was to begin.
Heywood has one small problem that plagues his life while living in the foothills of California. Poison oak. For what purpose did God place this dreadful plant on Earth for? To devastate Heywood’s life? More on this later.
First few miles, a fun downhill ride on fire road to the town of Washington. The folks of this small mountain town believe the Civil War has not finished and are cheering for a victory for the south. Needless to say, the two boys never made eye contact with a soul and rode a quickly as possible to the safety of the trailhead.

While on the trail, the views of the river were astonishing. Water had a beautiful turquoise tint too it while the clarity was truly amazing. The South Yuba trail is a well built trail to say the least. Most of the next 20 miles or so consisted of slow winding single track through the dense foliage of this ecosystem. Nothing too technical to speak off, just not a very fast trail. There are half a dozen stream crossings; most of them have a newly constructed bridge so the feet stay dry. Although the trail drops in elevation overall, there are lots of climbs to get the heart rate pounding away above the lactate threshold. At one point the trail is a few yards away from the river. Then the trail rises a few hundred feet above making for a fun downhill to follow. This rise and fall repeats itself numerous times during the journey. There are also numerous swimming spots along the route. Just a spectacular day on the bike. But, there was one problem looming over the head of the two boys the entire ride. Poison oak. This shit was everywhere. There is no riding around it, ducking under it, or trying to avoid it by any means. This shit was everywhere. Never seen so much poison oak on a trail in all the days spent here on Earth. Now Woody did try to come prepared with Tecnu, baby wipes, and long sleeve shirts but, that just was not enough. By the end of the ride, Heywood appeared to be going into anaphylactic shock. The 3 Bicoastal Boys would have been the 2 East Coast Boys if not for the quick thinking of Big Cat who apparently caries preloaded syringes of Epinephrine and Benadryl in his pack. Big Cat was begging to try mouth to mouth to help Heywood out. Sure glad the Benadryl worked. That would have made for an uncomfortable ride back to the car.

So five hour after starting our trip, we located the truck that had a little surprise waiting for us. Life is good!

Fantastic-AL

4/9 Mets Home Opener: What a DAY! Al blows off the factory, downs some brews on the train, eats some pizza, and watches the boys of summer on a sunny and cool Spring day. Ah, baseball is back!

Well, beat the drum and hold the phone - the sun came out today!
We're born again, there's new grass on the field.
A-roundin' third, and headed for home, it's a brown-eyed handsome man;
Anyone can understand the way I feel.

CHORUS:
Oh, put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today;
Put me in, Coach - I'm ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be Centerfield.

Well, I spent some time in the Mudville Nine, watchin' it from the bench;
You know I took some lumps when the Mighty Casey struck out.
So Say Hey Willie, tell Ty Cobb and Joe DiMaggio;
Don't say "it ain't so", you know the time is now.

CHORUS

Yeah! I got it, I got it!

Got a beat-up glove, a homemade bat, and brand-new pair of shoes;
You know I think it's time to give this game a ride.
Just to hit the ball and touch 'em all - a moment in the sun;
(pop) It's gone and you can tell that one goodbye!

CHORUS CHORUS Yeah!

Today, on the other hand, was less than fantastic. Screaming headache this morning. And lots of shit to do at the plant. Gorgeous afternoon, though. I ran a nice six with 6 1/4 mile repeats up the hill at Bethpage Park. Good leg workout. Burned out all of yesterdays toxins.

Let's Go Mets!

Met-Al Madness!

Bwwwwwwwwhaaaahaaaahaaaaaaaaa! Moveitfred done went and stole a prime-time title out from the clutches of Al Bangorhard!

Our hero, Al, and a factory co-hort, Benny Wonderlick, blew off the assembly line early today in order to catch the Mets home opener at Shea. Moveitfred will leave the tales of heroic athletic feats to the loquacious skills of Mr. Bangorhard, however Moveitfred would be remiss if he did not explore with some detail the bag o' Met gear that Al stashed under the sagging, torn seats of his piece o' shit Camry.

Al, for you other two readers out there, is, indeed, Mr. Met.

Moveitfred pulled into the factory parking lot this morning and found a space next to Al's ride, thereby enabling him to take inventory of all the Met gear stashed into a grocery bag. Al has the Mets baseball cap, the Mets t-shirt, the Mets official warmup jacket, the Mets pants. (Al also has a big o' fucking head like the real Mr. Met). Al even has big Mets shoes, which are like clown shoes that honk every time he takes a step.

Al, Moveitfred will be rooting right along with you through the dog days of summer in order to propel the home team right back into the fall classic where they belong!

In other news, as Heywood mentioned so correctly, Moveitfred and family spent an idyllic spring break in the wilds of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. In all, standard American fun that is just all too boring to retell in any meaningful way.

So, on to still other news. Moveitfred experimented with a full tri workout today. Running, cycling, and yoga. Tri, right Al?

Get Busy Living, or Get Busy Dying!

Heywood checking in:
We’re back. I do ask for forgiveness from the loyal listeners (Solo) regarding the recent lack of posts from the 3 bicoastal boys. We have all been busy. Out on the east coast, there was a temporary work shutdown for Al and Fred. They both did what any great American would do with a few days off, take a well deserved holiday. I hope those two enjoyed themselves. Both those birds are unaware of the technical advances recently made with laptops so they are unable to post while away from their houses. Come on guys, it’s the nineties, get with it!

As for me, I have been hanging out with the family in So Cal and spending some much needed time with the wife and dogs. Wood likes to keep a tiring schedule most of the time with riding, backpacking, and dog training. Sometimes the wife takes a back seat although she never complains about it. In fact, she usually encourages me to do it all. “Get busy living or get busy dying,” is what she tells me. And so I try, in large part due to her never ending support though all my endeavors, to truly LIVE life.

So pretty soon I get accustomed to her ways and start to expect such behavior. Many days surely pass without Heywood even noticing how special she truly is. Sometimes it takes a very stressful moment to realize what you have. These past couples of weeks have been filled with some extreme stress. The kind of stress that every family unfortunately faces every few years. And with all this stress surrounding the Jablome’s, there was my wife, solid as a rock. And it’s this stress that forces me to step back and appreciate what I have at home. So this past week was with my family. No computers. No blogs. No riding. Just family. Sure it was stressful and hectic. But it was also one of the best weeks of my life. I got to know my wife all over again and I loved it.

Now forget about all this mushy shit and get to the real shit with this blog. Heywood got a new ride. Wood owns a Santa Cruz Blur and loves the way it eats up single-track. It climbs fast, descends like a dream, and handles magnificent. But it lacks the 6.5” travel desired for some really big hits and fast downhill that Heywood loves to do. So last month, great wife #1 gave Woody the OK to purchase a new Santa Cruz Nomad. Unexpectedly, it came in just four weeks. That has to be an all time record for Santa Cruz. So I got a chance to take the beast out on the trails today and I am impressed. This bike just rocks! So while riding with Big Cat and Oscar the grouch, we decided to mix it up a little today. There is a local OHV/mountain bike park that splits the days between the two sports. Saturday was for the vehicles without engines so we gave it a try. Not knowing what trails to take, we just rolled the dice and tried a trail named Murderers. Sounds innocent enough, right? Hell no. This shit was balls to the wall, straight down with large boulders and drop offs and Wood loved it. This is kind of terrain used on downhill races. The Nomad was eating the trail up giving Wood a smile from ear to ear. I know what you’re saying, how tough could it be. Well at the bottom, the three of us run into the YETI-Fox downhill race team with Jared Graves. Yeah, the team was testing out equipment for the upcoming Sea Otter Classic next week in Monterrey, California. These guys had there team manager shuttling them up over and over in some big Ford Diesel with FOX plastered all over the sides. And in between runs the team mechanic wrenched on the bikes in the 30’ toy-hauler while they each received messages from the Swedish bikini team. These guys are the real deal and there fine tuning there downhill rigs for next weeks race on some trail that I just happened upon. Wood’s got no armor on, no full face piece and one very small set of balls. What the fuck was I doing here? These FOX dudes are going down these trails with some protective covering stolen from a medieval knight.

Somehow the trio survived the ordeal without a scratch. Luck was on our side. Will there be a next time? Yeah, I will give it another go around I guess. Like my wife says, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”